Drawing the Line Between Self-Care and Being “Selfish”
Ah, it’s Miranda’s favorite topic again— self-care and the reality of it being inherently not selfish.
What I mean is, self-care isn’t a selfish thing to practice at all, though some may try to warp its philosophy and intentions and project and/or view it that way (because they likely don’t practice enough self-care techniques themselves), but the old adage still stands: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Let me explain—
Traveling and taking vacations (when I have the bandwidth and funds) is a large part of how I personally practice self-care. I really enjoy being by the ocean, and taking a few days off from work or other “obligations” in order to make sure I’m generally keeping myself in a positive mental state, and enjoying myself and my time when able, etc.
Where self-care begins, and why being “selfish” isn’t a factor
First of all, self-care begins when we make the conscious decision to treat ourselves with love, care, and protected status (as we likely treat many others). Self-care is not inherently selfish, as we can’t pour from empty cups and need to keep ourselves afloat in order to be the best version of ourselves for our families, friends, coworkers, and the like.
Doing things like splurging on yourself when you have the funds and taking time for yourself when you have the bandwidth aren’t selfish if they’re helping you stay afloat, but there’s a catch, sometimes—
Navigating the (sometimes) fine-line between self-care and selfish intentions
Sadly, some people can be selfish (as we all can be at times), and occasionally, unfortunately, it’s under the guise of self-care with slightly warped intentions. It isn’t selfish to practice self-care inherently, as I said before, which can include everything from physical self-care (splurging a little on mani-pedis that make you feel good, taking that solo trip you’ve been dying to take, etc.), to mental/emotional self-care (cutting off those toxic people in your life, which sadly includes friends and family members, sometimes), and so on— but, if you practice inherently selfish tactics and techniques that revolve around disregarding others’ feelings (in a sincerely hurtful way), that can be crossing the line.
For example, if you lash out at someone who sincerely doesn’t deserve it because you had a bad day and just need to “unload”, that isn’t self-care; that’s just being selfish, and hurtful, and you may need to take a step back and consider your own emotional regulation tactics. Did the person you spoke that way to actually deserve that? Likely not.
In general, practicing genuine self-care isn’t selfish in nature. If you’re doing something that’s good for you and your mental health and you’re genuinely not hurting anyone else (or their feelings, their property, etc.), then you do you, friend.
Xoxo, MM.