Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty About Investing Real Dollars and Cents in Self-Care

My friend Liz Gramling (AKA E.Gram, Lizzie G, all the cute variations therein) has a life motto that goes something like this: “Life is too short to not have what you want.”

And guess what? She’s right! I’m not saying you should go crazy, but my entire life I’ve noticed that people (especially women, for some reason) tend to feel guilty when they spend money on themselves.

Spending money on yourself and your wellbeing from time to time isn’t only not selfish, but it’s downright necessary and good for you at times, too, and let me explain why—

Sometimes, the best (and easiest) form of self-care I can practice is buying myself a cup of coffee. Sure, a $5 cup of coffee may seem unnecessary, but is yummy-caffeinted-goodness I didn’t have to make myself makes me feel good, then it’s probably worth it. (Photo: Sheena Pendley Photography)

Why spending money on yourself and your wellbeing isn’t “selfish”

My entire childhood I watched my mother spend money on myself, my siblings, her grandkids, her friends, and the like, but rarely on herself. She would talk about how sometimes all she wanted was some new clothes or a nice new purse, but would often end up guilting herself into “Spending the money on something more ‘practical’” and guilt herself into simply spending the money elsewhere (and usually on someone else). She has a heart of golf (which contributes to much of this), but I always thought, “Doesn’t she deserve nice things, too?”

Well, yes— she does. At times we all do. And I’d wager that the best thing you can do sometimes for both yourself and for those around you is practice self-care, which means occasionally spending some of your hard-earned cash on yourself without feeling guilty if it would genuinely make you happy or improve your life in some way. Let me elaborate—

If you believe spending $500 (if you have it, and are in a good place financially at the moment, which is a statement on privilege as well but I digress) to enroll in an art class, a yoga class, or something of the like to increase your own skills and enhance your personal enjoyment, why would you not go for it? If you simply have an extra $20 and want to buy that cool, new T-Shirt you saw at the mall, why would you not?

I think we all have that nagging voice in our heads sometimes that tells us we should come last, but sometimes… we have to treat ourselves, if we have the means. Now, I’ll say again that having the means is certainly on privilege, but essentially I’m saying I don’t believe we should be made to feel guilty every time we spend a little bit of money on ourselves (for whatever reason) instead of our friends and family, especially if they’re being well taken care of and aren’t in need of anything at the moment. Of course you should put others first when they are in need, but when you’re in a position to splurge just a bit and everyone around you is doing alright, I say why not splurge on YOU for change?

Many people think self-care is simply lighting a candle and taking a few deep breaths when you’re home alone (and it can be that, sure), but the occasional spending a few dollars to buy yourself something you’ve been really wanting or needing, or even just taking yourself out to dinner or a show (or even just buying yourself a $5 bouquet of flowers!) can be so refreshing, and much needed.

So, why do we feel guilty doing for ourselves what we would do for others? We shouldn’t always come last in our own lives, and it’s okay to occasionally splurge on ourselves and treat ourselves when we have the means. Want to get your nails done and have some extra cash this month to do it? Then I say do it. Would it make you happy? Then it’s worth it— trust me.

Guilt can eat us all alive at times, but it amazes me that quite often the guilt we all feel stems from treating ourselves well, which is just… bizarre. As a woman it’s especially frowned upon to occasionally treat yourself (especially if you’re a mother, sadly), and the narrative is unfair and just leads to people being burnt out and, frankly, probably a little resentful that they never care for themselves when they spend too much time, money and effort caring for everyone else around them. So repeat after me: “Self-care isn’t selfish. Spending money on myself when I’m able isn’t selfish. I deserve to be happy, too.”

Saying that to yourself a few times a day can be so transformative, and that includes when it comes to the conversation of spending some real dollars and cents on yourself when you’re able, too.

Xoxo, MM.