How to Simply Say “No”

Boundaries. A subject I’m incredibly passionate about (as most of you know), yet one of the most difficult things to practice in my own life and in anyone’s life, really.

Do you have trouble saying “no”? Ask yourself and answer honestly. It’s okay if you do— I know I do, and most of us probably do. However, it is so important to learn to say “NO,” and to learn that, when you do, it’s not inherently selfish.

Me, enjoying life and glowing on the beach because I’ve practiced consistently saying “no” when I need to, setting boundaries, and protecting my peace.

How to say “no.”

For those raised in families that would do anything for one another (a good thing, mostly), you may have always been taught to over-extend yourself to the point of exhaustion for others. For family members, maybe even for friends, for the sake of what some consider “politeness.” I say, however, that it’s not necessarily polite of someone to ask that much of you, and it’s not inherently impolite or selfish to say no.

For example, if someone asks you to do something that would clearly and obviously over-extend you (like asking you to come pick them up when it’s 30 minutes out of your way, or asking to stay at your home knowing you’re tight on space or going through a hard emotional time, etc.), they are the ones being rude. You are not the one being rude if you say “no” to requests that would obviously overextend you. This can extend to anything from loaning money to someone you don’t feel comfortable loaning money to, letting someone stay in your home (if you don’t have the emotional or physical space for that right now), and so on. It wouldn’t be selfish to say “no” in those situations, because saying “yes” would make you uncomfortable, stressed, and the like, which will lead to resentment, extreme mental (or even physical) exhaustion, etc., and that’s never good.

Like I always say, you cannot pour from an empty cup. If someone in your life expects you to constantly over-extend yourself and do the most to appease them, it may be time to set a boundary, and that can be as simple as saying “no” sometimes.

That’s the hard part, though, isn’t it? Saying “no” can feel selfish, or inherently bad, but I promise you— it isn’t either of those things. Saying “no” when you really need to is not selfish, and it just takes practice and time to get in the habit of saying it (and meaning it, i.e, sticking to it), and letting others know you are not their doormat and you deserve your own space, too.

“But what if someone gets mad at me for saying ‘no’ to them?” you may be asking. Well, if someone gets mad at you for setting a clear boundary you need to set, they don’t really care about you anyways, do they? Even if they’re a family member or a “best friend,” people who don’t respect your need for space and boundary-setting are the ones being selfish and toxic, and though they may try to manipulate or guilt you into feeling like you’re the bad guy in the situation, you have to stand your ground. And, truly, if they get that nasty when you simply set a boundary and care for yourself for once, they aren’t the kind of person you should be around (if protecting your peace means anything to you, which it always should).

I know, I know— this got a little preachy, but I’m so passionate about this and I truly believe when I started saying “no” to people and situations that weren’t good for me I became 1874386340x happier for it.

So, just say “no.” It isn’t always easy, but it can be done. Simply. Say. “No.”

Xoxo, MM.