As Halloween (my favorite holiday, aside from Christmas, which is the “big show” of it, of course) came and went, I took my Halloween decor down and lamented the end of a super-fun and spooky weekend with my friends, and it hit me: this year, I’m feeling extra festive, and I wanted to go ahead and put up my Christmas, holiday-season decor.

“BUT WAIT!” I thought— “It’s only November 4th!”

In recent years, I never would’ve put up holiday decor this early; I would’ve scoffed at putting up Christmas and wintery decor before Thanksgiving (another holiday I love), and simply waited for no other reason than… well, no reason, really. But this year, something felt different. This year has been a year full of celebrating a return to life, and I wanted to get on with it already, so to speak, and start reveling in the cozy twinkle lights and spreading the holiday season joy a little early, and so— I did!

I put my Christmas decor up on November 4th this year, and I’m loving it. Here’s why it’s okay to do that, and to feel festive in general, and why many of us may need it this year now more than ever before.

Celebrating the holidays early this season— because we’ve earned it

Let’s be real— 2021 was a wonderful return to life for many of us, as vaccines rolled out and COVID-19 becomes more manageable with said vaccines and new treatments, and it’s been a wonderful year to date for me, personally, and for many of my friends and family. That said, this year feels appropriate to start celebrating life and spreading joy, as much as we’re able, now more than ever.

Because of that, this year I decided to jump the gun and deck the halls mere days after Halloween, and I’m loving it. I sent pictures of twinkle lights and Santa Claus decor galore to my parents (who absolutely loved it), and I even coerced Andrew into buying a tree early this season. We put our dog in her holiday sweater and had a mini-photo shoot. We laughed, smiled, and sipped white wine while decking the halls (albeit prematurely) and shared photos with our friends. We invited them all to come over soon and start doing fun, wintery things with us— we started getting into the spirit, and early, and that’s okay.

Because guess what? It brings us joy. It brings our family and friends joy— and why not allow that joy to start early and go for as long as possible through the holiday season?

Anyways, the TL;DR point of this all is this— it’s okay to feel festive, to celebrate, and to embrace the more fun and joyful parts of life for as long as we can, especially after the last 1.5 years we’ve all had.

So, that said, I’ll leave you with this— happy holidays, and enjoy it, no matter what or how you celebrate! Cheers.

Xoxo, MM.

If you’re wondering why I’ve been writing so much about eliminating food-guilt lately, it’s because I, myself, struggle with it every day.

As someone who’s spent many years mentally and physically recovering from bouts of disordered eating in my youth (binging, restricting, and all the other unhealthy, food-related coping mechanisms that are deeply unhealthy for you), I have a lot of personal experience in this area and, though I’m not a medical authority (as you should always consult your doctor if you believe you have a problem with serious disordered eating patterns), I feel compelled to share my experiences and how my guilt “flare-ups” sometimes occur around indulgent celebrations, like Halloween and other candy-and-treat-filled holidays.

All that said, let’s dive in—

You should never associate guilt with food.

You need food to power your body and mind, period. Did nothing but lay in bed all day? You still need to eat food. Ate “too much” yesterday? You still need to eat more today. You need food, full-stop, and though diet-culture has spent many years trying to tell us otherwise, it’s a biological and chemical fact that food is fuel.

There is no such thing as “good” and “bad” food— it’s all just food. Though some foods are more highly nutritious than others, food is just food, is food, is food. And guess what? It’s not that big of a deal if you indulge in healthy ways sometimes!

During times of celebration (or any time, really, but especially during holidays and other special occasions), it’s a-okay and encouraged to indulge in tasty treats that will enhance in your enjoyment of the season. I’ve talked before about my love for Reese’s Pumpkins (the best chocolate candies in the world, IMO), and guess what? If I want to eat them all Halloween season long, I can! As long as I’m not using them to fuel an emotionally-induced binge (a symptom of disordered eating) and I’m genuinely just eating them because I want to and they taste good, that’s perfectly fine.

Food and guilt should never be associated with one another, full-stop. You’re not “bad” if you spend Halloween evening indulging in sweet treats and your kids’ trick-or-treat haul (after they go to bed, of course). It’s a holiday— a special occasion— and the occasional, moderate consumption of sweet treats or high-fat or whatever foods won’t instantly make you “unhealthy”. If anything, it’s far more unhealthy to go overboard on restricting your diet, which can lead to poor nutrition, GI tract issues, mental health issues (such as developing disordered eating habits), and more than to occasionally indulge in a full-fat pumpkin spice latte or a bowl of yummy candy on Halloween.

So, what’s the lesson here? 1.) That food should never be associated with feelings of guilt, and 2.) The diet industry has lied to us all for years to peddle weight-loss products (so what they say is basically bologna, anyhow).

A healthy, balanced diet includes the occasional indulgence in some foods that aren’t highly nutritious (but are highly delicious!) and that’s perfectly fine. Enjoy your Halloween and, if you want to eat that candy, then eat that candy, sis.

Xoxo, MM.

This one is going to be a doozie.

Recently, my Instagram account was hacked (again) by some creepy, invasive spam-bot that stole my photos and is attempting to use them to sell— get this— lewd content. Now, I’m not sure how typical pictures of me in a swimsuit at the beach or in a sweater at the pumpkin patch suggest selling lewd content (and I’m not hating on people who do sell it— you do you, sis), but the most alarming thing about it was not the pictures themselves being stolen to advertise something false, but the response I got from other people, mostly women, online about my internet presence.

I was told the gamut of sexist vitriol— from, “well, stop posting pictures of yourself” to “well, make your account (which you use to promote your modeling and acting career and personal brand you built from the ground up) PRIVATE SO NO ONE CAN SEE IT BLAH BLAH BLAH”— okay, I’m getting a bit heated, but my point is this: why, in 2021, is the conversation still around women making themselves smaller to make other people more comfortable?

This is a deeply misogynistic point of view, and I’m simply asking “Why?”

Why do we still do this? In this day and age? Let’s discuss it more in depth—

Why do we expect women to make themselves smaller, so others will feel more “comfortable” in their sexism?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said,

“We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girls
’You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man’”

And guess what? She’s right. Even before Beyoncé sampled this fire speech for her equally as fire track, “Flawless”, she was right. And she still is.

We ask women to shrink themselves (whether it’s posting less on social media, speaking up less in meetings, so on and so forth) and we always have. History books and historical texts are littered with this kind of thing— and people misinterpret and twist them to still keep women quiet. And I must ask— WHY? Why are we still doing this?

I don’t have the answers, but I will say this— I don’t ever plan to quiet or tamper myself down just to make someone else more comfortable. Sorry, not sorry— it’s just not happening. Meanwhile, maybe next time you want to say something sexist about a woman making herself smaller, just don’t.

This is a much larger discussion, so let’s discuss. Why do we think this still occurs, and how can we stand up in the face of it?

Xoxo, MM.

You’ve probably heard the terms “generational trauma” or “generational curses” before, and I’m a big believer that they are real, and they exist. If your parents never went to therapy or tried to solve an internal conflict, you may just be carrying their trauma around with you on a day-to-day basis and not even realize it, in a conscious sense, at first. You may carry it around every day unaware you’re carrying it, until suddenly you realize it’s all too heavy and you have to let it go. This is what generational trauma can do, and it’s why I believe everyone deserves access to free, professional mental health care (and why we could all benefit from a little bit of therapy every once in a while), but I digress.

Well, I don’t— but let me explain:

Healing generational trauma (so your kids don’t have to later on)

We have an inherent right (and frankly, a responsibility to) heal ourselves. It’s never easy, but identifying the source of emotional conflict and problems and doing the healing work to process and move through those challenges is essential to breaking the chains that allow this nasty stuff to keep getting passed on. For example, if you were abused by a partner (emotionally, verbally, etc.) that is a terrible thing and it is not your fault, but you would deeply benefit from doing the healing work to confront that hurt and process it before allowing yourself to internalize it (and thus, pass it on to future generations).

It’s not easy, but imagine this— you carry deep hurt from the past with you, and subconsciously it begins to affect all your relationships with other people (especially if you have children). You have trouble forming bonds with others, showing emotion, etc. Do you see how that could be harmful to others who do care for you, and whom you care for, too? Now, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad or broken person— you were a victim of your situation and something terrible happened to you. That is not your fault. However, healing is, frankly, still your responsibility if we want these chains of generational trauma to be broken.

Not everyone can afford therapy or adequate mental health care. This is a societal issue that allows generational trauma to thrive, which bothers me to my core. Imagine if we all invested in one another, recognized we all have hurt that needs healing, and cared for one another’s mental health in a truly, deeply healing way that allowed for all of us to process our emotions effectively? We may just find that through healing and overcoming our past hurt, we become better for not only ourselves, but in our relationships, in our family units, and so on and so forth.

This is a complex topic and I’m only beginning to scratch the surface here, but if you have children and access to professional mental health care (which is a true privilege in this nation, most of the time), I suggest you try the therapy. You never know what you’re carrying around, and thus, unconsciously passing on to others. Plus, aren’t you a beautiful, unique soul that deserves to be healed and empowered, even just for yourself? Yes, you are. So let’s do it— let’s work on healing (so maybe, in the future, others won’t have as much to heal from).

Xoxo, MM.

(TW: eat*ng disorders, disordered eat*ng, body image, etc.)

I’ve written about this before (thus, the “part two” subtitle of this post), but it remains important, especially as we enter the season of holidays and celebration. Let me re-state this: it’s okay to let yourself indulge in good food and drink in times of celebration and to allow those things (food and drink) to enhance in your joy in those moments. Let me explain—

Indulging over the holidays: celebrating life, family, friendship and joy with food and drink

In most cultures, food and drink are presented during times of celebration to enhance our enjoyment of those times. As the girl who used to shy away from the best parts of the meal because they were too “indulgent” (lol) and as the girl who still struggles with her own level of disordered eating, I’m writing this as a reminder for myself and for everyone else to say this— it’s okay to indulge, and it’s especially okay (and even more fun!) to indulge in good food and drink during times of joy and celebration around the holidays with friends, family, etc.

Halloween wouldn’t be Halloween for me without some Reese’s Pumpkins and other candied delights, for example. A day at the pumpkin patch wouldn’t be the same for me without splitting a half-dozen apple cider donuts and a hot cup of cocoa with my husband as we shop for the perfect gourd-geous addition to our Halloween decor. Christmas and The New Year wouldn’t be the same without my mother’s famous “peanut butter blossom” cookies, topped with a Hershey’s Kiss— oh, and let’s not forget about the Thanksgiving mac’n’cheese my grandma serves up (which is DELICIOUS), as well as the many fun, yummy food and drink options available at Halloween, Friendsgiving, Christmas and other holiday parties all season long!

My point is this— it’s okay to indulge sometimes, and it’s especially fun to indulge in times of celebration and, get this, not feel guilty about it. As someone who struggles with disordered eating I’m not saying it’s easy by any means— I understand that it’s downright hard to get this “it’s alright” narrative into your head after years of experiencing feelings of guilt and shame over food— but it’s important. Feelings of guilt and shame should never be associated with eating, period. You should relish in the celebratory moments in which you’re offered good food, drink, and good company any time of year, but especially during those special, culturally significant moments (like holidays, weddings, other celebrations, etc.)

The long and short of it is this— this time of year can be full of food and boozy celebrations, and ya know what? That’s okay. As long as you’re honoring your dietary restrictions (like not eating too much gluten if you have a gluten sensitivity, as that can make you feel uncomfortable), why worry? Eat that cookie, y’all. Drink that punch that your mom makes that you love so much at the holiday party. And don’t feel bad about it.

You deserve good things, and if it enhances your joy and adds to your celebration (without being detrimental to your health, which the occasional cookie, cake, and holiday feast is not), then enjoy it. I know I’ll be enjoying it this season as we celebrate togetherness (for the first time since COVID-19 began) with friends, family, and the like.

Xoxo, MM.

By Kabrea James 

There are some smiles you just don’t forget and his was one of them. He was the first boy I became nervous around without necessarily understanding why. Sure, we all have childhood crushes but he left a mark on me. He was special. 

Every summer I looked for him, waited for him. Memorial day meant him and his family would leave their bustling cities behind to spend the holiday in Hinton, West Virginia. It meant he would be in my small, country town of all places. Whether it be splashing away in the The New River or sitting up all night watching scary movies, we were inseparable. In my hometown, where nothing happens, my special playmate arrived year after year. 

That is, until one summer he didn’t. 

Our last childhood conversations took place just before we both went off to 6th grade. I remember chatting on the phone all night about how excited and anxious we were. Even at age 12, I could sense an ending and it felt final. We were from different worlds and it was time for him to truly get settled into his life in the city, even if it meant leaving me behind. 

The years came and went and I always found myself wondering about my friend, wondering what he looked like and wondering if he wondered about me. Wondering if he found a reason to smile on that particular day. 

Eight years later, I found myself still wondering and at age 20, I had to know. 

2015 brought me to Baltimore, Maryland after my mother remarried. Closer than ever to his city and still wondering, I asked a family member how I might go about contacting him, as I didn’t even know his last name. The connection, always etched into my mind, yet not his last name. 

Maybe I’m doing too much, I thought to myself.

Still, the wondering wouldn’t cease and on a cool, fall night,  I found myself sitting idly in the parking lot of a Maryland apartment complex. The dark of night felt especially heavy. Uncertainty filled the air and with butterflies in my stomach, I waited for my very special friend. 

He appeared when I least expected. A sharp feeling of shock surged through me, electrifying the butterflies. We embraced one another and it felt like home. 

In that moment, I didn’t have to wonder anymore. He grew up to be very handsome, he  had thought about me, and he had found a reason to smile on this particular day. The reason was me. 

He took me out to dinner and introduced me to his friends at a hotel party. The night wrapped up and I faded back into my own life, back to the wondering.  

Five years later, I graduated college and got even more settled into my own life. I often found myself traveling directly to his city to meet up with friends I met during my studies. I would see him from time to time but his mind always seemed to be somewhere else. 

On one occasion, we met up in the early morning hours, just as I was heading back to West Virginia. We sat in my car for hours, smoking and listening to modern R&B tunes. We talked about any and everything, from our current struggles to what the future might hold. Me and my very special friend. Time was nonexistent and I couldn’t tell who needed who more.

And we went on for several years this way. FaceTimes, iMessages and quick smoke sessions when I came to his city. Still, I never knowing who needed who more in those moments and later realizing that it never mattered. Until one day, the wondering reached its peak, the wondering wouldn’t cease. 

During a recent trip to his city, I found myself extremely intoxicated and longing for his presence. 

“So I’m seeing you or no?” was the message that flashed across my screen, despite it being well into the night. It had to have been 5AM when one of my girlfriends dropped me off at his place. Of course, he was right there eagerly awaiting my arrival. He took my arm into his and waltzed me up the street leading to his apartment. This both puzzled and excited me.

We watched a movie, smoked and chatted about our early friendship as I nearly drifted off in his bed. Then came the wondering. 

Why won’t he touch me? I asked myself, It’s just him and I with none of the parental restrictions from childhood. Nothing is stopping him. What’s holding him back? 

The movie ended and I left before the sun came up, still wondering. 

A couple of weeks went by before we spoke again. I posted a picture on Instagram and he left a questionable comment for all to see. I “loved” the comment and kept it pushing, as this was very confusing to me after our last encounter. 

A few more days passed and I assume his wondering reached its peak. 

“You know my whole life I’ve been curious, what do you consider me? Family or friend?” He asked via text. 

The message took me back, I can’t lie. I waited so long for this moment.

Of course, my feelings reflected his so we wasted no time reconnecting. I came back to his city less than two weeks after his message finally found me. Late in the night, he took my hand and led me into his place, somewhere I had been countless times as a friend but tonight  was different. He assured my girlfriend that I get “special treatment” from him and that I was always good in his city under him. He was clearly intoxicated but being a Pisces, I feel this made the energy between us more fluid. 

We walked in and the chemistry was instant. We sat on his bed, just as we did a few weeks ago yet the childhood awkwardness was nowhere to be found. He asked if he could kiss me and I said yes because I wanted to see how it felt for myself. They were very sweet kisses. He kept asking me, “You see how natural this feels?”

All night he caressed me and told me how grateful he was for this moment and our 20 year-long connection. We were intimate after hours of basking in this long-awaited moment.  The experience was beyond pleasurable. It was ethereal. During the loving act, he asked, “How do you expect me not to fall in love with you?” 

Days later, I returned home with clarity and a new enthusiasm towards love and life and general. Two red heart emojis came across my screen just as I was getting settled back into my life in the mountains. 

No more wondering. 

– Kabrea A. James, Journalist, Author, Tarot Reader, Natural Hair-Care and Other Hand-Crafted Pieces.

Leuphorique.com

Instagram: @euphoriccdreams

Fall is here, and for most of us that means crisp, cool mornings and pumpkin spice flavored, well, everything. However, it also means the end of summer, which may mean the return to work after a vacation-filled frolic for many of us, or just a return to more “heavy” workloads, as corporate “summer fridays” end and the world seems to spin at a faster, holidays-are-coming-up induced pace. If this is your case (like it is mine), this one’s for you.

“Falling” into a sustainable routine this autumn

Recently, I started my new “day-job” (my career as an SEO Content Strategist, which has been my 9-5 for nearly 5 years now), and it’s been, well, an adjustment. I began my new job the day after Labor Day, which signified the unofficial end of summer and, thus, the start of a season of “hustle”. This job was moving up in title and pay for me, which means, well, more work, but ultimately it’s been well worth it so far.

That said, though, my acting lessons, intramural activities, concerts, and other things have also picked back up, which means my life has been thrown into overdrive. Meanwhile, I’m also picking up more “side-hustle” work (in addition to just running this blog), and creating content for more, varied websites, shooting some podcasts, picking up some modeling jobs, and the like. SO, with all that said— how do you “fall” into a sustainable routine and stay well, focused, and healthy (physically and mentally) when things get a little crazy? I don’t know about you, but here’s what I do—

1. Take walking meetings. Your health should be among your top priorities (if not your top priority, overall), and if you’re bogged down with meetings but find one you can just listen into (that you don’t have to speak on as much, etc.), why not take a walking meeting? Put your headphones in, get some steps in, and take in the fresh air while you listen to your meeting from your phone and take a moment to stretch your legs and move your body. It’s a small change that can make a HUGE difference in the end.

2. Don’t overdo it. No matter how busy things get, this is a great time of year to take time for yourself and your friends and family and set aside some dedicated time to do things you enjoy. Turn those notifications off on your phone for a couple hours this weekend or whenever your work schedule allows, and just tune out for a while.

3. If you’re able, take a “stay-cation” nearby. My friends and I are big fans of getting a cabin just an hour or less away from home for a random weekend and just staying there, splitting the cost, and hanging out away from it all. Even the closest and cheapest “stay-cations” can feel like a mental reset, and if you’re able to do it, why not go for it?

4. Fuel your body with nutritious things, and indulge when you want to! This is a great season for food and drink, y’all. Fall means more pumpkin, yes, but it also means more hot apple cider, baked goods, Halloween candy, and a plethora of seasonal fruits and veggies to create a nice balance of nutritious, seasonal meals with fun, seasonal treats. Care for your body by feeding it well, and indulge in those yummy fall favorites from time to time— as a PA resident, I know apple cider donuts are actively calling my name this October, and I’m not mad about it, TBH!

All this and more are things you can do to keep yourself sane (and refreshed) during the busier fall season. Try to find balance in everything you do— focusing your routine on your wellbeing first, then your obligations second. At the end of the day you have to take care of you, or else you’re not going to be able to get much done at all (and you’ll ultimately burn yourself out in the end).

So, what do you do to stay sane and get into a sustainable routine when work picks up in the fall? Let’s discuss—

Xoxo, MM.

Ah, Vegas— from the shining lights of the strip to the wild and weird “Area 15” art exhibit (and beyond), there’s something for everyone to do in this city that never sleeps, and what’s more, you can do it ALL on a budget! Learn more about my most recent trip to Vegas, and see for yourself what’s skippable, what’s a must-see, and how you can save money doing it.

Vegas: the must-see things (and how to budget for them)

MEOW WOLF (AKA, “Area 15”)

Probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever, ever done (and yet still can’t explain super well?) is MEOW WOLF, located in a large warehouse called “Area 15” and featuring a plethora of weird, wild art exhibits (like the current mock-grocery store “Omega Mart” that sends you on a trippy quest), bars, rides and other funky functions. This exhibit cost $50 per person total (so it was one of the most expensive things we did in Vegas), but it was WELL worth it with us spending over three hours there riding slides, exploring the art exhibits, etc. This is a MUST see/do if you go to Vegas, without a doubt!

The Bellagio and Caesar’s Palace Casinos

A bit on the pricier side (but also worth springing some extra cash on), both The Bellagio and Caesar’s Palace have some of the most beautiful, classy bars and casinos I’ve ever been to, and for just $25 minimum at most tables you can run with the high-rollers all night (or until you run out of cash, at least).

Wondering how to budget for these? I scour Groupon for stuff like this, constantly. Search any of the activities above on Groupon next time you’re online and you’ll be surprised what deals you can find!

Vegas: the “skippable” things

Perhaps an unpopular opinion, I find almost all of the shows (other than select Cirque du Soleil shows) skippable. Many of them are overpriced for what they are, and unless you’re seeing a certified Cirque du Soleil or artist-based residency production, many of the shows fall flat and come off as a bit cheesy (especially when even some of the lowest rated shows on the strip will run you $75+ per ticket per person, by the way).

That said, I love the arts and live performance, and I would recommend on springing on at least one of the Cirque du Soleil productions (“Love” is my favorite, just FYI), and skipping the other, more wishy-washy shows in favor of one well put-together one.

Vegas: other free activities and ideas to explore

The Flamingo Habitat (at The Flamingo)

Did you know that if you enter The Flamingo Resort and Casino and go to the “garden bar” area, you’ll find glass doors that lead out into a courtyard that’s full of— that’s right— real, live flamingos?! One of the cooler free things to do in Vegas, going to visit this adorable, aviary area full of feathery-friends is a great way to pass time on the strip at absolutely no cost.

The Venice “Canals” (Canal Shoppes)

Conveniently located beneath The Venetian Resort, The Venice “Canal Shoppes” are a network of shops situated on “canals” that you can ride gondolas across (and that are designed to look literally just like the streets of Venice themselves)! Even if you aren’t a big shopper, this is something to see, as you feel like you’re actually outside and in Venice, Italy the entire time (even though you’re completely indoors)!

The Bellagio Fountain Shows

Free every single night from 8 PM onward, The Bellagio Fountains (directly out front of The Bellagio Resort and Casino, on Las Vegas Boulevard) go off every 15-to-30 minutes and are set to different music and lighting each time. These aren’t just normal fountains, either— these towering, spouting fountains dazzle guests from the world over and shoot up as high as 75+ feet into the sky. Now that’s a show, and for free, too!

So, have you ever been to Vegas? Are you rearing to go sometime? Take my advice and explore these activities (and skip others) fo maximize your fun while staying under budget!

Oh, anxiety— after formally being diagnosed with you (“Generalized Anxiety Disorder”, and OCD, officially) when I was 12, I had to find ways to cope with you (and I’m still finding ways to this day).

Mondays can be a huge trigger for my anxiety— looking at the calendar for the week ahead can feel so overwhelming, and sometimes my heart rate will start to increase even before I’ve had my morning coffee. So, what can I do? What can any of us do, any time, when anxiety comes calling? Here are some tips that have helped me, personally, in my fight against anxiety (and I hope they help you, too)—

Easing anxiety: advocating for yourself and “taking it easy” when you can

As you all know by now, boundaries are a huge part of my life and identity. A huge part of my anxiety, I’ve found, is triggered by other’s expectations of me, which means I had to learn to advocate for myself in a meaningful, powerful way in order to keep some anxiety-inducing situations (and thus, anxious feelings) at bay.

For example, if I’m truly at max-bandwidth, I’m not going to be able to do everything someone asks me to do. If it’s important and needs to be prioritized I can try to make time, sure— but if I’m maxed out and stressed out, I have the right to say “no” in any situation, no matter what, to those who ask for my time and/or expertise (in anything).

Sometimes, we don’t have space to take on other’s tasks, feelings, or “things” in general, and that’s not selfish. That’s okay. If it’s not critically important, we have a right to say “no” to protect our peace and preserve our time and our sanity. I promise, that is not selfish— it’s a downright necessity, sometimes.

Remember: “this, too, shall pass”

It’s cliché but it’s true— this, too, shall pass, and no feeling lasts forever. If you find yourself in the midst of a high-anxiety situation, sometimes it’s best to simply take a step back, take some deep breaths, and disconnect for as long as you need. When you start to feel anxious, remember that it comes in waves, and as the waves crash over you, you have the power to rise above them. You’ve made it this far and you’ve done so well— you can do this, and this storm will end.

What are some methods you use to ease anxiety? Let’s discuss—

Xoxo, MM.

Oof. Since COVID-19 threw the world for a loop, we’ve all had to readjust our goals and perhaps our expectations, and mine became a lot more laser-focused when I realized (as I always should’ve) that life is short and very, very uncertain.

That said, becoming more laser-focused has resulted in me treating my career more like a business, my brand more like a lifestyle, and my friends more like family. Part of becoming an adult (and being a young adult on the precipice of doing the “big life things” during a global pandemic) has taught me to stay focused, realign, and, un-ironically, get the bag and stay in my lane. Let me explain—

Achieving your goals (and staying out of your own way)

When COVID-19 hit, I realized that I didn’t have time to sit around and wait for things to happen for or to me. Life is all about action, and, on the other side of the coin, inaction, too. If I have the goal to build my brand (with this website), advance my career, and purchase a home in the next five years with my husband, I can’t just sit around and wait for that to happen for me. I have to make it happen.

That seems obvious, right? Well, sort of. Working the days away at a job I enjoyed was great for the last three years, but realizing I had no opportunity for upward mobility (and, thus, needed to get back out there and re-start the old “job search”, even though I was contently employed) was a huge wake-up call. I loved my job, so why shake things up, right? Well, because I knew what I wanted in the future, and, though I was happy at my job for the last three years, I knew it just wasn’t going to get me there.

So, what did I do? I put myself back out there. I updated my resume, made network connections, fired up the old LinkedIn profile, and began a job search in earnest. I was in the fortunate position of being employed already (so I was able to take my sweet time when it came to job searching), but I became hyper-specific with jobs I applied for. I wasn’t going for just anything. I was going for upward mobility, an increase in pay, and real, tangible career advancement (instead of just keeping with the status quo and continuing to happily “muddle along”, as they say).

Putting myself back out into the job market after three years of being out of it (and not looking for other opportunities at all) was scary, and it was a tough decision to make to leave what I’d known and loved for so long to move on to something new and more challenging— but it’s been so worth it.

That said, a large part of advancing my career was learning to stay out of my own way. By that, I mean facing my own fears and overcoming trepidation by just doing the dang thing, and never settling for less than what I sincerely believed I deserved.

So much of all of our lives is driven by what we think we deserve (in our career, our relationships, etc.), and we aren’t always on the mark with that, are we? I think we all tend to underestimate ourselves and settle when we shouldn’t— when we should go for that job we may not be 100% qualified for (but could learn as a challenge or “stretch” opportunity), or when we should look for a life partner that compliments the lifestyle we want (instead of settling for the high-school boyfriend you’ve honestly outgrown), etc.

Had I not met Andrew and dove into a relationship with him (even when I was afraid to get back into the dating world), my life would’ve been vastly different. Had I settled for someone else, I wouldn’t be in the happy, healthy, functional and, truly, joyful relationship I’m in today. Had I let fear rule my life, I never would’ve left my hometown and grown my career, business and brand in Philadelphia— a city I now love.

Had I settled for anything less than I deserved, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Period.

All that said— what are you settling for, and what do you deserve? Life is short, uncertain, and can be incredibly uneventful if we let it be. Sometimes you have to take the leap— as cliché as that sounds— and see where you land.

Xoxo, MM.