Creating Space — A Guide to Intentionally Disconnecting
Never thought you’d hear this from me, huh?
After a summer of pure chaos being very, very busy and, well, highly visible online, I’ve had to think long and hard about how I wish to allow others to access my energy and it’s been… challenging, to say the least.
It’s a hard line to tow, honestly; as most of you know, a part of my income and livelihood depends on being highly visible online. I’m a brand partner for a major retailer; a model who has to market herself consistently to stay ahead of the curve; a lifestyle ~IfLuEnCeR~ (despite however much I hate that term), and, and, and — it’s a lot, y’all.
All that said, I realized recently that Instagram, in particular, was beginning to feel incredibly draining to me. From having to obsess over my engagement on each post and story (the sordid bane of monetized content, among other things, but ya’ know), to trying to keep up with my friends and family and fight the constant FOMO of “is everyone doing more than me, right now?”, it all started to feel like an overwhelming swell of anxiety every time I tapped the little multicolored camera icon sitting “harmlessly” on my home screen. And that’s… not great.
Not only is it not great, it’s something I actively have the choice to change. So, I’m deciding to do exactly that. Here’s how I’m disconnecting from Instagram in small but impactful ways this season (even as someone who’s income partially depends on it as a tool), and how you can take small steps to change your relationship to social media, too.
Stop doomscrolling!
For the love of God — please stop doomscrolling. Or doing any scrolling, for that matter, if you aren’t in a great headspace. I had to really force myself to stop reflexively doing this, lately, and though it wasn’t easy (my thumb, again, reflexively just wants to hit the stupid Instagram icon every time I pick up my phone), but it was so helpful to just stoppppp doing it.
When I didn’t have to see what everyone else was doing 24/7, and didn’t sit around and hyper-fixate on how everyone might be perceiving everything I’m doing, my life drastically improved, almost immediately.
Again, it wasn’t easy, and I still have to maintain a certain level of posting and on Instagram to maintain engagement for my brand deals; but, just cutting out the constantly opening up the app and scrolling made a huge difference.
If someone wants to stay in touch, they will
OOF. This is the one. Do you ever feel like you have to stay in-the-loop on what everyone is doing, and constantly reach out to someone in order to maintain any kind of friendship/relationship/situationship with them? I’ve been in the same boat, actually, with pals in the past… and I realized something that hurts, but like a bandaid, just has to be “ripped off” — if they wanted to, they would.
The onus should never be on one person and one person alone to keep a conversation, friendship, or even familial relationship going. Human relationships are a two-way street, and if you not reaching out or staying up-to-date on their latest posts, tweets, etc. means you lose touch with someone… then they don’t really care to lose touch with you.
Again, this one stings! But, alas, it’s true. Focus on the people who do love you, and do with that information what you will.
Give yourself some grace, babe
News flash: you’re going to mess up, and that’s okay. I’ve opened (and had to then abruptly shut) the Instagram app out of habit more times than I can count during this little “cleanse,” but old habits die hard. If you ~ do ~ mess up, give yourself some grace! You’re only human. Humans make mistakes (we’re, like, really good at that actually) and that’s life. It’s not the end of the world (I promise).
So, we’ll see how long I run with this little experiment (and how much of an impact it has over time), but for now — I’m taking baby steps to change my relationship with social media, and it feels refreshing.
Xoxo, MM.