The Messy, Grieving Guide to Practicing Self-Care this Season
To state the obvious, I’m still not doing so hot. Let’s be honest. I’ve had dizzy spells, crying fits, days where I eat nothing, days where I eat everything everything, and days in between when I feel utterly indifferent to— well— almost everything.
My MIL passed away just over a month ago. It’s still so raw, so fresh. Loss is always awful, and grief is always messy, but when it’s completely unexpected it seems even worse somehow. At least to me it does. Anywho—
With all that out front and out of the way, I have to say that practicing self-care has become the number one thing on my mind as the holiday season ramps up. Usually I’d be overextending myself (and enjoying it anyways, because ‘tis the season, ya know?), indulging in sweet treats and fancy cocktails with friends, and participating in as many holly-jolly events as possible. This year, though, I’m just trying to survive— and that’s okay, too.
My body and mind have both let me know that I can’t act like everything is normal right now— and that I have to practice some serious self-care and take time to heal, which is exactly what I intend to do. And here’s how I’m taking those steps, and not feeling guilty about it, over the next few weeks:
How to practice self-care when grieving (yes, even at Christmastime)
Cancelling plans and saying “no” when I need to: I’m typically the queen of going out, being social, and taking up every opportunity to get up and out of the house and getting into— well, anything. This year, though, I haven’t really been feeling up to going out as much, or to being as social. It’s nothing personal— I just need some space. So, I’m giving myself some space. If some days my emotions are too big and I can’t face the world, that’s okay! I give myself permission to step back and say, “Sorry, maybe next time.” As someone who used to feel guilty or suffer from a ton of “FOMO”, this was a steep learning curve for me. However, I know those who care will understand— and those who take it personally don’t really care in the end, do they?
Sticking to my routine: Though it’s beyond tempting to work in my pajamas and just get by every day, I’ve found it helpful to stick to my routine as much as I’m able. I’ve kept working, I’ve kept waking up at my usual time, getting dressed, cleaning the house and doing my morning workouts. I’ve honored my need for rest while also sticking to my routine, and finding a balance that works for me has been super helpful.
Sharing genuine connections: I haven’t been feeling as social lately, but I’ve had a handful of very special interactions lately with my husband, some family and a few friends whether by spending some intimate, lowkey time together or even just talking on the phone when I’m not up to leaving the house. Connection and conversation has been really integral to my healing process, and it helps me socialize in a way that feels safe and calming to me right now.
No matter how you heal, you do you. You have permission to take space for yourself (even at Christmastime, yes), and you have permission to say “no” when you need to. Hang in there, and maybe I’ll re-emerge from my hibernation in the spring? Who knows. In the meantime, I’ll take all the time I need.
Xoxo, MM.