The Art of Un-Learning (And Learning to Love Yourself)
This morning, as I did my daily due-diligence of watching The Drew Barrymore Show (my absolute favorite talk-show of all time), Jonathan Van Ness (of Netflix’s Queer Eye fame) made a profound statement about un-learning toxic biases— and I had to share.
Van Ness, while speaking to Barrymore, mentioned that, as a child, they used to see Boflex commercials (we all remember those awful things, right?) and ask their mother, “Mom, when will I get abdominals? When will I look like that?” And then, Van Ness shared the most important part of all— you probably won’t, because 99.9% of people don’t, and that’s okay!
So, they added, how do we un-learn all that toxic muck the media has fed us since childhood, and how do we learn to love ourselves and validate our own existence, whoever we are?
Well, you can take some steps. Let’s dive in—
Un-learning toxic thoughts, and learning to love YOU
Van Ness, in their recent book, dives into this a lot, but the long and short of it (and my own experience) is this:
Normalize all bodies. No body is better or worse than another— not every human is supposed to have visible abs. Hip-dips, cellulite (which I have! :D) and all other perceived “imperfections” are actually just NORMAL parts of human bodies, and that’s that on that. Remember, weight and appearance do not equal health and happiness, and if we all looked the same life would be— well— boring.
Validate yourself. No one else can do it for you. YOU have to accept you, your progress, your life path. No one else can do that for you— you have the power alone to accept and validate (and thus, empower) YOU— and that’s a beautiful thing.
Practice unconditional love with yourself. You give unconditional love to your partner, your children, your pets— what about to yourself? Would you ever say the mean things you say to yourself to someone else? No? Then why say it to yourself, your greatest champion and advocate in this life?
These are just baby-steps to the deeper dive that is self-love, but Jonathan Van Ness’s new book is a great place to start exploring this topic deeper.
Be well, and love YOU for all you are.
Xoxo, MM.