Solving Our Problems (So We Don’t Pass Them On to Others)

You’ve probably heard the terms “generational trauma” or “generational curses” before, and I’m a big believer that they are real, and they exist. If your parents never went to therapy or tried to solve an internal conflict, you may just be carrying their trauma around with you on a day-to-day basis and not even realize it, in a conscious sense, at first. You may carry it around every day unaware you’re carrying it, until suddenly you realize it’s all too heavy and you have to let it go. This is what generational trauma can do, and it’s why I believe everyone deserves access to free, professional mental health care (and why we could all benefit from a little bit of therapy every once in a while), but I digress.

Well, I don’t— but let me explain:

Healing generational trauma (so your kids don’t have to later on)

We have an inherent right (and frankly, a responsibility to) heal ourselves. It’s never easy, but identifying the source of emotional conflict and problems and doing the healing work to process and move through those challenges is essential to breaking the chains that allow this nasty stuff to keep getting passed on. For example, if you were abused by a partner (emotionally, verbally, etc.) that is a terrible thing and it is not your fault, but you would deeply benefit from doing the healing work to confront that hurt and process it before allowing yourself to internalize it (and thus, pass it on to future generations).

It’s not easy, but imagine this— you carry deep hurt from the past with you, and subconsciously it begins to affect all your relationships with other people (especially if you have children). You have trouble forming bonds with others, showing emotion, etc. Do you see how that could be harmful to others who do care for you, and whom you care for, too? Now, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad or broken person— you were a victim of your situation and something terrible happened to you. That is not your fault. However, healing is, frankly, still your responsibility if we want these chains of generational trauma to be broken.

Not everyone can afford therapy or adequate mental health care. This is a societal issue that allows generational trauma to thrive, which bothers me to my core. Imagine if we all invested in one another, recognized we all have hurt that needs healing, and cared for one another’s mental health in a truly, deeply healing way that allowed for all of us to process our emotions effectively? We may just find that through healing and overcoming our past hurt, we become better for not only ourselves, but in our relationships, in our family units, and so on and so forth.

This is a complex topic and I’m only beginning to scratch the surface here, but if you have children and access to professional mental health care (which is a true privilege in this nation, most of the time), I suggest you try the therapy. You never know what you’re carrying around, and thus, unconsciously passing on to others. Plus, aren’t you a beautiful, unique soul that deserves to be healed and empowered, even just for yourself? Yes, you are. So let’s do it— let’s work on healing (so maybe, in the future, others won’t have as much to heal from).

Xoxo, MM.