Showing up Soft in a Tough World

It’s not always received well when you live your life with your heart on your sleeve. For some, it comes off as “annoying” (likely because they aren’t in touch with their own emotions — PS, that’s a them problem, babe), or perhaps it makes them feel “intimidated” (their own emotions scare them, so your comfortability with leaning into yours is a bit jarring to said person). But, what happens when you still choose, day in and day out, to show up as your most authentic, vulnerable, and soft self in a kinda harsh world? 

Well, sometimes magic happens… Buuuut sometimes you get hurt. Sometimes you go with the flow, and let all the “big” feelings rush over you like gentle waves — buuuut sometimes they knock ya’ down. Either way, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Being soft in a hard world is actually very brave

I’m a sensitive person. I’m the definition of “ESFJ” — with an emphasis on the “S” (sensing) and “F” (feeling) — and I’ve never not been. If you show me a video of a cute dog, I will cry, every time, without fail. If I spend a heartwarming evening with my close friends, you best believe I’ll be telling each and every one of them how much I love them, and absolutely gushing all evening (especially after a couple glasses of wine, a-la “I love you guys, man!”). It’s just who I am— but, for years I put on the “tough” act, mostly for fear of being judged, ridiculed, and, honestly, hurt.

Inevitably, I found that when I leaned into being “tough,” I just became angry. Angry; apathetic; listless, most of the time. And that was very hard for me. I never felt full of any genuine sensation— never allowing myself to become too excited (for fear of disappointment), and never letting myself lean in and process it when things did hurt a little (leading to an eventual “blow up” when sh*t did hit the fan)… and it sucked. 

When I was in my early 20’s, that just stopped working for me. I’d had my heart broken for the first time, the world was a mess (hello, 2016 election!), my family had some rough situations going on, and I felt entirely exhausted with life. So, I started going to therapy. And I found that when I said my feelings out loud (and thus, released them out into the ether without fear of judgment) things felt a lot… lighter. 

And guess what? That felt a lot better. Well, better after a while, at least. Confronting our emotions (especially for the first time!) can be a bizarre and overwhelming experience, after all. But once I sat with my feelings, once I really leaned in, I found that it became easier for me to open up not only to my therapist, but to everyone in my life.

Why I’ll stay committed to being “soft”

When I began to open up to the people I loved (and even to total strangers on those random nights at a festival when you meet your very temporary new best friend or love of your life), I found that I became more magnetic; people were drawn to me, and in turn, more open and authentic with me, too. I found and married the true love of my life (my now husband, Andrew); I made more meaningful friendships; I networked more in business; I took more risks; I laughed louder; I cried harder; I let myself feel something… and I’m never going back.

Though at times I’m sure I can be “intense” to some people— I don’t really care. Those people, for whatever reason, just aren’t going to be my people— and that’s okay. Not everyone is! Hell, those people might even hurt my feelings from time to time (because I have a lot of those), but I don’t regret choosing to remain soft and open hearted in an all-too-often cold and closed off world. Because, at the end of the day, at least I’m living my truth.

Gone is the passionless life I led before— and now is the time for feeling my life, because I only get to live it once. If you find that you’re a “sensitive” person, I’m here to tell you that I think that’s incredibly brave. It takes serious courage to show up as your authentic self in the face of a shallow world, and you’re the bravest person I know. So, don’t let anyone dim your shine— because as the old saying goes, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Xoxo,

MM.