“Shadow Work” — Prompts to Help Change Your Outlook on Life (And Yourself)

TW: Trauma, mental health, and a general warning that shadow work can trigger the recollection of sometimes unpleasant memories, thoughts, or feelings.

If there’s anything I’ve learned after taking an unfortunate dip back into the seasonal depression pool last late-October to this March, it’s that sometimes, things aren’t all rainbows and sunshine and, despite our best efforts, we can all be toxic. That’s where a healthy dose of shadow work can come into play —

What is “shadow work”?

“Shadow work” may have a slightly different meaning to everyone, but I like to think of it in simplistic terms when it comes to activating it in our own lives. One Reddit user described it as, “(…) like trying to figure out or rediscover parts of your mind/memory that you’ve subconsciously repressed or hidden from yourself,” and I really like that simple (albeit slightly over-generalized) explanation, especially for purposes of discussions like this one about its practical — read, not so “woo-woo” — uses and effects.

What is a “shadow work prompt”? How does that work?

How does one even engage in this kind of internal “work”? Well, typically through being prompted. Sometimes these are simple questions you can mull over and try to answer for yourself when you have a moment or two to think; or, perhaps they’re longer prompts that require additional meditation and a few rounds of thought. Either way, these prompts challenge us to look at parts of ourselves that we don’t love to bring to the light; thus, the “shadow” element of the term “shadow work”.

So, how have I, personally, been applying “shadow work” prompts to my life? Let me explain —

How “shadow work” challenged my point of view

This winter was hard. Seasonal depression always brings up some dark thoughts and feelings for me, and I tend to turn to suppression as a form of (not) coping. I push my thoughts and feelings down; I try to bury myself in work or play or anything that can be something of a distraction; I stop engaging, generally, with my true emotions because… well, I become afraid of them.

However, this always (and I mean always) blows up in my face. My emotions always come bursting out in one way or another, so I decided this spring I had to find healthier ways to cope. And that’s where “shadow work” journal prompts came into play for me.

I began by asking friends who were more experienced in this work — how does it feel? What is it like? Is it helpful? Does it work? And they responded in kind – it doesn’t always feel great. It’s hard but necessary. And yes, it works. And that was enough for me.

I next took to the Internet (as we all do) in an attempt to find some legit (no offense, TikTok spiritual girlies) shadow work prompts and, fortunately, I found a wealth of legitimate and helpful information around practicing such deep, sometimes even triggering, introspective self-discovery prompts as a curious beginner. Though I’ve become slightly more experienced (and thus, in tune with myself) lately, these tried-and-true prompts are a great place to start for those who’re just dipping their toes into the pool of the “shadow self” —

1. Have you ever treated a person in a way you regret?

   1. Oh, yes. I’m sure we all have, but there have been a handful of times I can remember that I truly regret how I treated someone. Most recently, I feel like in a few interactions with friends I’ve been too selfish. Sharing all of my “problems,” without really taking the time to hear them out in response. This makes me feel like my interactions have been ego-centered and don’t reflect the heart I truly do have for my friends, and that hurts. I want to be a less selfish, less ego-absorbed better listener/steward to my friends (as they’ve often been for me).

2. What are some things you’ve been holding onto that you need to let go of?

   1. So many things. Lately, though, it’s mainly been guilt. Guilt for things like I said above. Guilt for even being guilty. Guilt for a lot of things, really — and it helps absolutely nothing. So it’s about time I let go of it.

3. What is the worst feeling?

   1. Feeling like I disappointed someone or let them down. That I didn’t live up to some expectation — whether real, or something I’m unconsciously projecting — and that I somehow failed myself, or, more hurtfully, that I failed someone I love. THAT is by FAR the worst feeling of all the feelings I’ve ever experienced, only next to grief in its significant negative impact on my psyche.

4. What do you need to forgive yourself for?

   1. All of the above! I need to forgive myself for being a work in progress. For having a “moment.” For not giving myself the grace I’ve always deserved. I could go on and on, but I really need to (ironically) forgive myself for not always being super forgicing of myself!

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this is difficult stuff, but I believe it’s wholly necessary for our growth as human beings. We’ve all made mistakes — that’s life, baby! However, the great thing about life is that it’s never too late until it’s too late, and we can change anytime we want. This is a good first step in that direction. Just know I believe in you, in all of us, and our collective ability to heal our wounds and, in turn, heal the world a little bit and make it a better place.

Xoxo,

MM.