Another Note on Boundary Setting During the Holiday Season (or Anytime You Need To)
The holiday season can be a time of joy, but also (occasionally) a time of stress. If our tips on managing holiday stress weren’t quite helpful enough, we’re back for another round of discussion around boundary setting during the holiday season (or anytime you need to).
Boundary setting: how to start and continue setting healthy boundaries throughout your life
The holiday season is a great time to practice boundary setting, as it creates many opportunities for others to (erm, how can I say this nicely?) try to dictate our lives and plans or schedules, or ask us to overextend ourselves (whether others realize they’re doing so or not). If this is the situation you’re in, it may be time to start setting boundaries, and continue asserting them throughout your day-to-day life.
For example, if you find yourself overextending at your job when you’d rather spend some quality, holiday time with friends and family this season, it may be time to learn to say “no” to taking on extra work for others, etc. If a co-worker asks you to take on a task that would completely overextend you and cut into your time with loved ones, it’s okay to say “no” and leave it at that. If this happens to you (and you’re putting in an honest day’s work at your job, and truly have no capacity to take on anything else without completely cutting into your personal life), try saying something like this: “My plate is pretty full right now, and I couldn’t take on an extra shift/task/etc. without cutting into important family time this holiday season. Could we re-group when I have more bandwidth?”
Yes, it can be that simple. Sure, sometimes things at work have to get done (been there, done that), but when you have the power to say “no”, don’t be afraid to. The world won’t end, it will be okay. You can say “no” when you need to in most situations, and you’ll be happier for it (and less burnt out) in the end.
An example of boundary setting with family and friends you may face this holiday season might be gift-buying, or hosting or attending a holiday party. Perhaps someone in your life wants to exchange gifts (but you don’t have the financial capacity to do so this year), or wants you to host or attend a party (that you really don’t have the time to do this year, either). In these cases, try something like one of the following to set and reassert your boundaries when needed: “Sorry, I don’t really have the financial means to buy or exchange gifts with many people this year. Perhaps I could make you some baked goods, or we could just skip gifts this year instead?”, or, “Sorry, I’m absolutely booked up this weekend/this holiday/etc. I would love to see you, maybe we could reschedule or set up another time to reconnect after the holiday?”, or, “I’m sorry— I don’t have the time or capacity to host a Christmas party this year. Maybe someone else could host this year, and I could help play a more minor role this time around?”, or, “Sorry, I’m not really drinking right now as it doesn’t serve my physical or mental health any longer. Instead of coming to your party, could I come over some other time for coffee and a more private gift exchange?”, and so on and so forth.
Once again, yes— it can be that easy. You are allowed to say “no”, to speak your mind, to express your feelings. You are allowed to do these things, and the sooner you do (and the more you practice reaffirming these boundaries), the better you’ll feel.
So, what other boundaries are you practicing setting or reinforcing this holiday season? Let’s normalize setting boundaries and not asking others to overextend themselves— it just leads to burnout, and it’s no fun for anyone.
Xoxo, MM.