Self-Love is Still Important — Even if You Have a Valentine

Wearing a custom bodysuit by the incredible Madalynne.

A list of ways to show yourself some romance this Valentine’s Day.

About a year ago, I was chatting with my therapist about how, despite growing older, I wasn’t really feeling any more sure of myself than I had since I was in college — hell, maybe I even felt more sure of myself back then, when the headstrong twenty-something in me gave little to no f*cks about what anyone did, said, or thought if it wasn’t aligned with achieving her goals, or didn’t mirror her principles.

The world can be a mean place; once you get your first “big kid” job, get out on your own (“wow, why are groceries so expensive?”) and get your ego knocked down a few pegs to be sure, but my therapist and I are pretty good at hatching up a plan to help me deal with all of adult life’s hurdles; and one I very specifically needed to overcome was learning to love myself more.

It doesn’t happen overnight, of course — but leaning into self-love and loving us for who we are, even if we aren’t perfect (newsflash — no one is!) seems to be a very foundational, 101-level step in terms of being more confident and assured in the choices you make and where your life is headed.

Though I have a loving husband, family and friends who would do anything for me, leaning into these self-love tips over the last year have created an immense, positive perspective shift for me overall, and during this season of love I wanted to share a few of my favorite tips and tricks.

Remind yourself exactly who you are with daily affirmations

Affirmations (even said or heard robotically; meaning just on repeat in your mind, your headphones, etc.) are one of my favorite, simple and effective ways to point my frame of mind in a more positive direction.

Self-talk dictates far more of our self image than we realize, and positive affirmations that are in alignment with who we want to be or perceive ourselves as are incredibly powerful. It may seem too easy to be true, but let’s put it this way — if I wake up and repeat in my mind, “I am beautiful, I am capable, I can do hard things,” versus talking down to myself every time I look in the mirror, I’m flipping the script on how I speak to myself — which, in turn, interrupts negative, anxiety-spiral type thoughts and replaces them with positive, reaffirming reminders.

Again, it may seem simple — but that’s why it works. You wouldn’t say mean things to your best friend, right? Then stop speaking unkindly to yourself.

Stop giving so many f*cks about what other people think (because who cares?)

T H I S may be the most important lesson I’ve learned on my self love journey — because after spending my entire life agonizing over my every decision and how it would impact other folks’ perception of me, I’ve never felt more free than when I realized 1.) I cannot change how others perceive me — that’s a them problem, and 2.) I know who I am and, in the inverse, who I am not, and that is all that matters.

Basically, don’t be an asshole — but if you’re happy and you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, you know your intentions and you should stand resolute in them… even if it ruffles some feathers.

Plus, why would you care to be around someone who judges you so harshly for being yourself, or waste your time on someone who doesn’t value your time, perspective, nor insight?

My life has improved ten fold since I stopped worrying what other people think, and moreover since I stopped wasting my precious time (a resource I can never get back, mind you) on folks who don’t value mine — and that’s made all the difference. TL;DR? Losers who can’t see that you’re the prize are not worth your time, energy, nor effort — and some people are better loved and enjoyed from a safe, healthy distance. *shrugs*

Do a bad b*tch photoshoot, because why not?

Have you ever stopped to acknowledge all your body does for you? It is the very vessel within which you navigate this strange little life — and it’s been with you since birth. Why not celebrate it, and its uniqueness? Whether you have spent your entire life fighting a war against your body (which I can relate to, trust me), or you just need a little pick me up… doing a bad bitch photoshoot to celebrate your body’s unique, beautiful features regardless of difference of ability, size, shape, etc etc etc can be a great way to show your body some of the love it deserves, and celebrate it for exactly what it is right now, today — which is, again, the beautiful, unique vessel carrying you through this life.

This one is probably the most difficult. I am in no way discounting how hard it can be to overcome aspects of body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria (which I’ve never personally struggled with, but understand is a very real and serious matter), and other body image related phenomena — but, when you do feel ready (even if you’re a tad apprehensive still yet), I promise you there is nothing wrong with celebrating your body through taking some photos that make you feel like a million bucks.

In the end, I firmly believe we have to love ourselves in order to give and receive the love we truly want (and deserve) in this life. Don’t sleep on yourself during the season of love, and remember — you are your own greatest critic, but also your own biggest cheerleader.

Xoxo, MM.