“Artists, Out of the Dark” by Joshua Allen King
This is a guest post by artist Joshua Allen King. This post sees the artist seek vulnerability through word, painting, self-talk and, ultimately, self-acceptance. Enjoy.
Artists: Out of The Dark
My name is Joshua Allen King, and I'm an artist from Fayetteville, West Virginia. Some may even describe me as a professional self-saboteur. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that so soon considering first impressions are so important, but I'm trying this new thing called vulnerability. Today I have a 30x40” blank canvas staring back at me. The blank canvas is the most overwhelming but exciting experience for an artists. This painting will be of a mysterious lady that's wearing a grandiose red robe in the foreground. The background will be soft blue mountains blurred by fog, the morning sun burning orange, and a castle. She's put the work into her kingdom and she's praying for a new day where things get better.
I'm thinking of entering the painting in a local gallery exhibition that's coming up soon. I have to submit my work within the next week to see if it'll be approved. The theme is “folk magic”. The town is having something I believe to be called a “wizard weekend” during the exhibition. I never knew about this before, but I think that this is an annual event. It's sad I didn't know about this before because wizards, witches, and magic have been things that's fascinated me since I was a small child.
Ahh— an opportunity to do something other than bathe in my own misery? The negative thoughts are coming and they're unfortunately frequent up in this brain of mine. OF COURSE I can't do this, so many things could go wrong. So many things have already went wrong. The villain that lives in my mind states the following:
“I'm not sure if people will understand the painting and how it fits the theme. What if people talk bad about it because it's the odd one out.”
“I was supposed to start on this painting last week, but a cold front came in and busted the pipes in my house so I had to deal with that. It seems like the universe is trying to stop me, and if the universe is out to get me...I really should give up.”
“My medium is oil paint which takes a while to dry. What if it's not dry in time? Will it smear in transport?”
“I don't have have the means at the time to frame this large of a painting. Who wants to buy a large painting that they have to frame themselves? Will it look weird hanging beside other art that is framed?”
“I wish I was more original. What's the point of doing anything when it's all been done before?”
This voice is the enemy to creatives. It freezes us in a state of stagnation and misery. It seems like there's no solution when our brains work this way, but lately I've been experimenting with myself Frankenstein style. I think the experiment is working because so far, I'm living life more than I have in a long time. Every time I have one of those awful thoughts, I challenge it. This usually results in said thoughts trying to justify themselves as truths, but I'll keep taming them. I'd like to respond to those negative thoughts I wrote above with a more positive mindset, hopefully inspiring someone else reading to maybe write their negative thoughts down and challenge them as well.
Before—“I'm not sure if people will understand the painting and how it fits the theme. What if people talk bad about it because it's the odd one out.”...WRONG! Instead— “Even if it didn't fit the theme at all, at least I'd be brave enough to make something that I enjoy. There must be at least one person who will see how it fits, and that's enough for me.”
Before—“I was supposed to start on this painting last week, but a cold front came in and busted the pipes in my house so I had to deal with that. It seems like the universe is trying to stop me, and if the universe is out to get me...I really should give up.”...WRONG! Instead... “I made it through a hard time last week. I fixed my broken pipes and I'm still working on my painting. This shows resilience as a person. Yes I'm short on time, but this is a challenge that could help me be able to work faster in later situations where things may also not go as planned. The universe works by chance more than I realize and doesn't revolve around my own downfall. Things will not always be this hard.”
Before—“My medium is oil paint which takes a while to dry. What if it's not dry in time? Will it smear in transport?”...WRONG! Instead... “I have a quick drying medium which makes my oil paint dry faster. I'm thankful that I have this. Sure, my black paint takes a lot time to dry even with the drying medium, but I'll just have to be extra careful. Even if the whole painting would be wet by the time I'm supposed to bring it into the gallery, at least I created something that I can display or use later when it's dry. I'd still be proud that I created something.”
Before— “I don't have the means at the time to frame this large of a painting. Who wants to buy a large painting that they have to frame themselves? Will it look weird hanging beside other art that is framed?”...WRONG! Instead... “I may not personally see the value in having to buy a frame for a painting I bought, but someone else might think differently. Maybe they'll like that they can choose their own frame. Someone else could dislike like the idea of having to choose their own frame, but they still want the painting because they love it that much. Maybe someone could even like the look of it without a frame.”
Before—“I wish I was more original. What's the point of doing anything when it's all been done before?”...WRONG! Instead... “Originality as a fear is constricting to the creative flow and overrated. Believe it or not, our world and ideas are limited. With those limitations, everything still has originality to it due to the complexity of humans. That's amazing. What's most important is that the work is done and impacts people.”
We all have hard days, hard months, and hard years due to things we can't control. We all have negative thoughts, and we are powerful and capable of having control over them. Those thoughts are echoes from the past. They come from all the negative experiences that we've had, and we're watering those negative experiences like a flower. As the negativity grows, our souls start to die. These bad thoughts come from places like that one time you tripped in front of a crowd, when a peer made nasty comments about your skin, when someone you admire told you to give up, or from the time a family member passed away.
Eventually, there's so many of those sad thoughts that you forgot where they came from in the first place and you claim them as your own. We label ourselves as negative people, like it's something that's solid and can't be changed. Whether we want to believe it or not, we eventually project those negative ideas onto others as well and can cause them a lot of pain. Others then label us as negative. If we are calling ourselves negative and others start to say it as well, we take that as a confirmation of our identity. This is the cycle of sadness, and it's detrimental to creative minds.
Now is what matters. We can have power over those negative voices if we start paying attention to them. You would think that ignoring them would silence them, but it turns out that only gives it permission to become louder and more dizzying. Negativity thrives on familiarity and comfort. It's time for artists of the world to make a change. Create fearlessly. Start a Renaissance. Get out of the dark.