Not all boundaries are created equally, and not all boundaries are to be communicated the same way. Do you know the “red, yellow, green” method? Depending on who and what you’re setting a boundary with, you may choose to use the gentler “green” communication, the moderate “yellow”, or the more intense “red” (this is final) communication. Need some examples? Let’s dive in—

“Green” boundary communication

When you set a boundary that you’d like to communicate gently to someone (perhaps it’s your first time communicating it, or they’ve honored your boundaries in the past so you don’t need to be as stern with them), you may use the “green” method. Let’s say you’re doing a Dry January and your friend has invited you out for drinks. An example of a green boundary would be responding with something like, “Hi! I’m actually not drinking right now; however, I’d love to go get a cup of coffee or a meal with you and catch up!” Your friend will likely understand and adjust the plan, and your boundary remains in tact. It’s that simple to communicate in the calm, “green” territory.

“Yellow” boundary communication

When your boundary has perhaps been violated once, or someone keeps pressing the issue, you may feel the need to reassert your boundary. This moves into the “yellow” boundary communication territory. This time, you may need to be more stern, and say something like, “You’ve invited me out for drinks a couple times now, though you know I’m doing a Dry January. I’d appreciate it if we could do something else, and not press the issue again.” This is more stern, with a willingness to still engage in alternate activities with the other party, while protecting your boundary more seriously.

“Red” boundary communication: the “this is final”

When your boundary has been disrespected over and over again (and you see no other way to protect your boundary and make your space safe), you may need to move into the “red” boundary communication territory. These boundaries are “once and for all”, final. An example of “red” boundary communication might look like this: “You know I’m not drinking right now, yet you continue to disrespect my boundaries. Please don’t invite me out to drink with you anymore.”

All boundaries are different, and we all deal with people who respect (or disrespect) our boundaries differently. This communication style applies to all boundaries and can be extremely useful in communicating our boundaries to keep ourselves safe and sane. Stay well in the New Year, and protect your boundaries as needed.

Xoxo, MM.

2021 was certainly not without its own unique set of challenges, but it definitely beat the heck out of 2020 and was by far one of the best years I’ve had in recent memory.

As I reflect on the past year, I’m remembering that in 2021 I…

• Got VACCINATED AGAINST COVID-19! This was HUGE, one of the most profound and impactful moments of my life. We were all finally granted some protection against the virus that rocked the world, and it opened new doors for us all to take life (back) on with renewed hope.

• Bought a Tesla (our dream car!) with my wonderful husband! 

• Visited New Orleans for the first time! The city that many of my favorite Anne Rice novels are set in, NOLA captured my heart (and my taste buds) and was one of the coolest, most exciting places I’ve ever visited.

• Went on a ton of other fun vacations, too, including a beach trip with my best friends and getting back to festivals for the first time in nearly two years (yay)!

• Conducted my first ever celebrity interviews with the cast of Fast and Furious 9, which was WILD and so, so exciting! (!!!!!)

• Moved back home to Philadelphia! Andrew’s office finally reopened, and we were able to move into a brand new apartment all our own in Philly, our home since May 2017. It feels so good to be back.

• Spent more time with friends and family than ever before. This one was wonderful, as 2020 kept us from so many, 2021 reunited us and I spent more time vacationing, visiting, and spending quality time with friends and family than any year prior.

• Turned 25 and celebrated 4 years of marriage! So great, so thankful to be here— life is just good, y’all.

• Started taking my health, fitness, and intuitive eating practice more seriously. I feel happier than ever with my body and my relationship with food— I feel FREE! 

• Got a new job as a Content Strategist at Verizon, and kept building my blog, my brand, and booking new blogging, journalism, acting and modeling roles as well all year! I got a new job in my professional career, got back on film and photo shoot sets, etc.— and it felt GOOD to be back.

• Got back on stage for the first time in many years with Theatre West Virginia for their production of ‘A Christmas Carol’, and performed in many short films this year (which were all so much fun)!

And, all in all?

2021 was an amazing, transformative year for me and mine— and I know it only gets better from here. Here’s to 2022; Happy New Year to all!

Xoxo, MM.

2021 has been an incredible year (and I have a post coming up about that very soon!), but for now, I wanted to share a few things, people, places, and social media accounts that truly enriched my year in 2021 and became part of my list of “favorite things”. Without further ado, here they are—

“These are a few of my favorite things…”

Lindsay Toney screen prints, from LToney Print Studio

For handmade prints made locally in Beckley, WV, LToney Print Studio is the absolute best. Lindsay is not only a wonderful artist, but a wonderful human who’s enhanced my 2021 more than she’ll ever know. Shop her prints on t-shirts, cards, and other mediums and give them as a gift this holiday, or keep them for yourself (because how could you not?! They’re so nice!)

Bella Kidman Cruise art

Another artist that truly rocked my world this year, Bella Kidman Cruise offers physical and digital art pieces and prints, including prints on on t-shirts, tote bags, and beyond that have a certain style and finesse to them that can’t be replicated. This year I bought a tote bag from Bella’s website (a cute, cow print one!) and I’ve used it literally every day since. Since Philly’s plastic bag ban came into play (which is a good thing!) my BKC tote has gone everywhere with me, and I get tons of compliments on it, daily. The vibrant, adorable print is “cottage-core”-esque without being too over-the-top, and it’s my favorite accessory by far. Essentially, just check out BKC’s work— you won’t be disappointed!

The Wellness Refinery (Philly)

One of my latest obsessions in Philly, The Wellness Refinery on Church Street in Old City has been my most recent go-to for healthy smoothies and tonics, infrared sauna sessions, and lots of health and wellness goodies I can’t usually find anywhere else! From the pure peppermint, cashew, coconut and lucuma smoothie I usually devour for lunch on a week day to the amazing cacao latte mix I bought there, this place has all things health and wellness at its core and does not disappoint.

Southern Wellness and Skin Center (WV)

Let’s be real— I’ve struggled with acne since I was a teen, and until I found Southern Wellness and Skin Center and worked on a personalized skincare plan with them (thank you, Tonia!) nothing ever worked. Here, I’m able to get the laser and other high-quality skin treatments I need at a low cost, and it’s made all the difference in my skin tone and skin health (in the best way)!

UDARELY

Cute and quirky cups and glassware (that are skull shaped, my fave!), “Venus” candles shaped like the human body, and beyond— what more could you ask for in terms of unique, household decor?

Anne Rice novels

Reading Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles is what really defined my late 2020 – 2021, as these 13 novels changed my life and perception on fantasy and how I view the world and those around me. I could write a whole book on how these series of novels each specifically blew my mind, but that’s a post for another day— long story short? CHECK THEM OUT, ASAP!

The Hippie Shake 

This boutique clothing line out of England had never ceased to amaze me with its bold, retro fashion choices (usually inspired by legendary rock stars like Elton John, David Bowie, Jimi Hendrix, etc.) and I highly recommend shopping here for your next festival or going-out occasion outfits!

Statements by Li Earrings 

Hand-made clay earrings, Statements by Li are uniquely crafted every time with stylish results. Statements by Li is a mom-owned, black-owned small business that makes some of the cutest accessories I’ve ever seen, and you can’t go wrong with shopping these for your next pair of statement earrings or giving them as a gift this holiday season!

No Food Rules and Gains with Surina IG accounts

Two Instagram accounts that have helped me learn so much about intuitive eating, self-love, and eating disorder recovery are No Food Rules and Gains with Surina. The women that run these accounts are absolute angels, and the knowledge and support I’ve found therein cannot be topped. If you’re looking to better or fix your broken relationship with food, these accounts are great places to start in terms of seeking a supportive community.

The Drew Barrymore Show

Every morning for the last few months I’ve woken up to The Drew Barrymore Show, and it’s been a delight! This is my favorite of the morning talk-show options out there, as DB truly lights up a room and brings in fun, engaging guests to talk about things that matter in culture, the food world, community, and beyond.

All of these things (and more) have made my 2021 extra special. From enjoying the art and stylings of certain artists and boutiques to sipping healthy tonics and smoothies from The Wellness Refinery and waking up to The Drew Barrymore Show, these favorite things of mine have enhanced my heat greatly and I encourage you all to check them out.

Xoxo, MM. 

Getting my third Covid vaccine dose (AKA, my Covid vaccine booster) was just as simple, quick, and painless as getting my first two doses. For those who have some concerns or questions about getting a third dose (which you more than likely should, if you’re 18 or older and your primary physician doesn’t have any objections!), here’s my experience for you to read:

Getting my third Covid vaccine dose: simple, quick, and feeling fine

Scheduling my third Covid vaccine dose was  as simple as all the others— I simply went on CVS’s website and scheduled an appointment. I noted that it was my third dose (since you do get a smaller dose the third time around, unlike with the first two with the mRNA vaccines), and input details around when I’d received my first two doses, and viola! I got an appointment, and it was that simple. 

That said, I booked everything online, and when I arrived to my appointment at CVS it went smoothly. I arrived at my appointment time at the CVS I’d designated, with my confirmation email in tow, and they got me right in to the vaccination room for my third dose. They checked my vaccination card (which you need to bring with you!) and had me fill out the short paperwork, and that was it. It was seriously that easy. They confirmed it was my booster shot (so, a smaller dose), reviewed my vaccine card, gave me the booster, then added it to my vaccine card and bam! I was done.

I had to wait around for 15 minutes to ensure I wouldn’t have any allergic reactions to the shot post-receiving the jab, but after 15 minutes I was in the clear and simply went back home. That was it!

I felt the typical soreness and chills that I’d felt with the first two shots for about a day, but nothing extreme. No extra limbs growing from my skull, no sudden, crazy side effects— just the expected soreness and fatigue, which faded after about a day.

Seriously, y’all— booking the third shot was so simple, getting it took maybe ~20 minutes total (including the 15 minute observation time), and I felt *fine* afterwards aside from a few, day-long expected side effects that faded quickly and didn’t impact my life much at all. 

It was so worth it, and if you’re able, please get your booster before gathering with your family for the holidays. Do it for you, for others, for the world. Be safe, get boosted, and it’s not scary— I promise!

Xoxo, MM.  

Yesterday, it happened— my monthly bout of hormonal anxiety, typically associated with my period that comes out of nowhere, with seemingly no trigger, and wreaks havoc on my unsuspecting brain and body for hours (and sometimes days).

Though my anxiety and depression diagnoses are usually well managed by my medical care regimen, I do still fight the hormonal anxiety that comes monthly and roots itself deep in my body for about a week, annnnd— it’s the worst.

So, what did I do? I dug into my arsenal of quick, anxiety fighting tips that always help me cope, be it a triggered anxiety attack or a no-trigger-just-random-anxiety bout of shakes, shivers, and a high heart rate. Here are some of the tips I use, and though I know it isn’t easy to fight this stuff, you *can* learn to cope and make life a little easier when these unpleasant anxious episodes arise:

Quick tips to cope with an anxiety attack

1.) Root yourself back in the body. Rooting yourself back in your body, be it with breathing techniques or doing some light exercise, is a highly effective and fast way to ease anxious thoughts and feelings and root yourself back in the realm of the physical. However, if your heart is already racing, exercise may be counter productive and deep breathing and relaxation techniques may be more effective. Listen to your body and be easy on yourself, and do something physical (be it simply breathing deeply or taking a walk) that feels good right now.

2.) Drink some tea (without caffeine) and keep breathing. A warm, non-caffeinated beverage can always calm me down, and avoiding caffeine during an anxiety attack is really important. Caffeine can exacerbate anxiety symptoms, so avoid it for now, but swap for a warm, equally soothing non-caffeinated beverage instead.

3.) If you’re okay with being social, phone a friend or loved one. Sometimes calling my husband and simply voicing my racing thoughts to someone out loud is enough to somewhat “purge” my brain of them entirely. Sometimes saying things out loud puts them in perspective, and once I talk them through with a trusted confidant things don’t seem so bad after all.

What other tips do you use for coping with anxiety or stressful moments? These are just three quick tips I’ve found that work for me in a pinch, and there are many more we can discuss around longer-term or more time consuming strategies that dig a bit deeper. Let’s discuss in the future—

Xoxo, MM.

The holiday season can be a time of joy, but also (occasionally) a time of stress. If our tips on managing holiday stress weren’t quite helpful enough, we’re back for another round of discussion around boundary setting during the holiday season (or anytime you need to).

Boundary setting: how to start and continue setting healthy boundaries throughout your life

The holiday season is a great time to practice boundary setting, as it creates many opportunities for others to (erm, how can I say this nicely?) try to dictate our lives and plans or schedules, or ask us to overextend ourselves (whether others realize they’re doing so or not). If this is the situation you’re in, it may be time to start setting boundaries, and continue asserting them throughout your day-to-day life.

For example, if you find yourself overextending at your job when you’d rather spend some quality, holiday time with friends and family this season, it may be time to learn to say “no” to taking on extra work for others, etc. If a co-worker asks you to take on a task that would completely overextend you and cut into your time with loved ones, it’s okay to say “no” and leave it at that. If this happens to you (and you’re putting in an honest day’s work at your job, and truly have no capacity to take on anything else without completely cutting into your personal life), try saying something like this: “My plate is pretty full right now, and I couldn’t take on an extra shift/task/etc. without cutting into important family time this holiday season. Could we re-group when I have more bandwidth?”

Yes, it can be that simple. Sure, sometimes things at work have to get done (been there, done that), but when you have the power to say “no”, don’t be afraid to. The world won’t end, it will be okay. You can say “no” when you need to in most situations, and you’ll be happier for it (and less burnt out) in the end.

An example of boundary setting with family and friends you may face this holiday season might be gift-buying, or hosting or attending a holiday party. Perhaps someone in your life wants to exchange gifts (but you don’t have the financial capacity to do so this year), or wants you to host or attend a party (that you really don’t have the time to do this year, either). In these cases, try something like one of the following to set and reassert your boundaries when needed: “Sorry, I don’t really have the financial means to buy or exchange gifts with many people this year. Perhaps I could make you some baked goods, or we could just skip gifts this year instead?”, or, “Sorry, I’m absolutely booked up this weekend/this holiday/etc. I would love to see you, maybe we could reschedule or set up another time to reconnect after the holiday?”, or, “I’m sorry— I don’t have the time or capacity to host a Christmas party this year. Maybe someone else could host this year, and I could help play a more minor role this time around?”, or, “Sorry, I’m not really drinking right now as it doesn’t serve my physical or mental health any longer. Instead of coming to your party, could I come over some other time for coffee and a more private gift exchange?”, and so on and so forth.

Once again, yes— it can be that easy. You are allowed to say “no”, to speak your mind, to express your feelings. You are allowed to do these things, and the sooner you do (and the more you practice reaffirming these boundaries), the better you’ll feel.

So, what other boundaries are you practicing setting or reinforcing this holiday season? Let’s normalize setting boundaries and not asking others to overextend themselves— it just leads to burnout, and it’s no fun for anyone.

Xoxo, MM.

Thanksgiving is just days away, and after it follows Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, and the other winter holidays that focus on family, food, and togetherness. That said, the holidays (though they’re times of joy) can be times of high-stress when your boundaries are crossed and some loved ones don’t act so loving, and coming into the season prepared with boundaries set and intentions spoken can make all the difference.

If you’re wondering what boundaries you can set to help manage stress and make the holidays more joyful this season, read on and let’s discuss—

Setting boundaries to manage stress this holiday season

As you all know, I’m a HUGE fan of boundaries. I write about boundaries and how to set, enforce, and enjoy the rewards of them quite often, and during the holidays I’ve found that boundaries become more important than ever. Though this is the season of giving and caring for others, we should also remember to care for ourselves, and not over-extend ourselves to the point of bitterness and exhaustion (because that defeats the purpose of celebrating the season).

If you find yourself over-extended and “dreading” the holidays, you may want to exercise setting these boundaries (and other stress relief techniques) to ensure you’re enjoying yourself and being the best version of YOU for YOU and your loved ones this holiday season:

• Hosting the holiday party or meal? Don’t do it all by yourself. Ask others to bring a dish (or two), or just to come over to help you prepare, or stay late to help you clean up. Your loved ones surely appreciate your time spent hosting, and they surely wouldn’t balk at helping out to ease your strain. It’s okay to ask for help, and you’d be surprised how much simpler things can be when everyone pitches in to enjoy the season together and create a shared experience.

• Buying too many gifts? Suggest cutting back, like drawing names or playing a gifting game, etc. If you’re stressed about holiday finances, ask your friends and family or other loved ones if it would be okay to draw names, or cut back on spending in other ways. Gifts don’t have to be expensive to be meaningful— it’s truly the thought that counts! Discuss cutting back in some ways with your loved ones this gift-giving season, and everyone will surely have just as much fun receiving smaller, thoughtful gifts as they do receiving big, lavish ones (that can often break the bank and induce stress for all involved).

• Take some “me” time, and remember it’s okay to say “no”. If you’re stressed about time, the pandemic, or anything like that, remember it’s okay (even during the holidays) to say “no” to some invites you receive, or to some questions you’re asked. Suggest spending time with loved ones another time if you truly can’t spend the time or money traveling in for that Christmas party (like a virtual party at a more optimal time), or simply say “no” to taking on extra work this season if you’d rather spend more time with your loved ones— it’ll be okay and the world won’t end if you decide to be more mindful of your time. I promise!

What other tips do you practice to stem stress during the holiday season? Let’s discuss!

Xoxo, MM.

First of all, how is it November 19th, 2021 already?! This year has flown by, as all the years recently have, and I’ve been busy at work both in my day job and in my acting and modeling career, as well as celebrating an important milestone in my personal life and relationship.

Celebrating four years married

For starters, Andrew and I have been married for four years as of today. I can’t believe our wedding was four years ago— it was the most magical day (though that sounds cliché, it truly was), and I can’t believe how easy he makes love. Love should never be hard, and Andrew is living proof to me that love should be everything we dream of— support, safety, adoration, kindness and dependability. He gives me all of those things, and for that I am forever thankful. So, happy four years married to Andrew and myself; and here’s to many more years to come!

Some new acting and modeling projects for you all to enjoy

Additionally, I’ve been busy at work at not only my day job (doing content strategy for Verizon’s corporate brand), but also in my acting and modeling verticals. Here are some new editorial shots and a new short film I starred in that you can check out:

‘OPHELIA’, a short film directed by Khalid Michael, starring myself, Sam Wheelis, and Maarten Olaya for Four Points Film Festival.

Thanksgiving should be a celebration of what we’re thankful for, but also a celebration of culinary traditions in our family units and respective American cultural lenses. The other winter holidays (like Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and the like) also usually involve traditional dishes, and I’m here to tell you one thing this holiday season— enjoy your food, and enjoy it fully.

Food is about making memories, celebrating our cultural and culinary traditions, and fueling our bodies. Food is meant to be enjoyed, not feared (though this can be difficult for some, like myself, who suffer from body image issues), and I want all of you to know this season that you aren’t alone if you find it hard to enjoy yourself fully when you eat “indulgent” foods, but here are some tips that have helped me stop fearing food and enjoying it more fully in the moment (without “food guilt”, which should never be a factor when it comes to eating):

Enjoying your food fully this holiday season (without guilt, fear, or any other negative feelings)

If you’ve suffered from disordered eating or food guilt in the past, it can be hard to allow ourselves to eat what we want any time, but especially during more food-focused times like the holidays. But guess what? We should allow ourselves to eat what we want and enjoy food fully, any time. Period.

Next time you start to feel “guilty” about food (which you never should, by the way!) try these tips to help yourself enjoy your food more fully:

• Think about the enjoyment this is giving you. Is the food you’re eating absolutely delicious? GOOD! That’s awesome, and should be savored and enjoyed fully without any nagging, negative feelings. If you want one of your grandma’s awesome Christmas cookies (because it tastes good), have one! And ENJOY it. Life is short, eat the cookie that makes you feel happy. Period.

• Think about the wonderful memories you’re making, and the experiences you’re sharing in while sharing a meal. You’re not only eating to stay alive, you’re sharing in a meal, a moment, and a memory centered around culinary traditions and warm, fuzzy feelings with family and friends. Food is such an incredible shared sensory experience and it should be enjoyed always, but especially when shared with people you love!

• Remember there is no such thing as “good” or “bad” food. Food is just food. Some foods have different nutritional purposes than others, but that doesn’t make any foods “bad” or “good”. Food is just food, and intuitive eating is all about making choices that bring us joy while nourishing our bodies (and indulging when we want to, because food is GOOD and it’s worth it)!

So, how do you practice food neutrality and intuitive eating, especially over the holidays? Remember, fear of food will not free you— but eating and enjoying your food fully will, and it will enhance your enjoyment of life and sharing in precious moments with others beyond what you could ever imagine.

Xoxo, MM.

It’s that time of year again.

If you’ve noticed the long shipping times on things lately (and the lack of items on the shelves) due to supply chain constraints, you may have considered getting ahead of your shopping this holiday season. That’s precisely the boat I’m in, and I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what I’m going to buy for everyone on my list. Without giving too much away for those who read my blog (and will get gifts from me this season), here’s some holiday gift guide inspo for everyone on your list!

Holiday gifts for everyone on your list this season

For the tech-savvy: a new Apple Watch (Series 7, or SE to mind the budget)

My husband is a tech-savvy guy, and this year’s Apple Watch Series 7 and Apple Watch SE are the perfect tech-forward gifts. SE won’t break the bank and comes with nearly all the features and compatibility of the newer Series 7 models, but if you want to ball all the way out, the Series 7 has a new oxygen sensing feature, a wider screen, and beyond. Either way, an Apple Watch is a pretty sweet gift for the tech-lover in your life.

For the fashionista: Statements by Li earrings and accessories

Entrepreneur Liana S. makes these clay earrings in her own home, making these hand-crafted earrings a delight to receive as a gift as they’re all unique (and gorgeous!) every time. These earrings are fashion-forward and made by a mother and entrepreneur I know and admire, and you cannot go wrong when it comes to gifting these to the fashionistas in your life!

For the budget-conscious makeup lover: an IPSY Glambag subscription

An IPSY bag is a monthly makeup bag that comes in the mail, featuring sample-size goodies that differ each month based on info about you (or whoever you gift it to), such as skin tone and texture, eye color, etc! This is a great gift for someone who’s passionate about makeup and beauty, and you can’t go wrong with the monthly gift option that keeps on giving all year.

For the scent-sy fans that want to try something new: Henry Rose sustainable perfumes by Michelle Pfeiffer

These unisex, sustainable scents by Michelle Pfeiffer were recently featured on the Drew Barrymore morning show, “Drew”, and I am officially obsessed. With five affordable, unisex scent options, these are great gifts for anyone on your list that wants to try a new scent in the upcoming new year!

For the kids: Pokémon – TCG: Battle Academy Box Set

Just $20, this box set comes with a deck of 60 (!!) Pokémon cards (featuring some rare finds) and a game that actually teaches the rules of trading and playing Pokémon cards to kids who want to learn the tricks of the trade. This is an awesome, affordable gift that kids can keep playing with for weeks and months on end, which is always a win.

So, who are you shopping for this holiday season? What gifting ideas and inspo do you have to share? Let’s discuss—

Xoxo, MM.