This is a guest post by artist Joshua Allen King. This post sees the artist seek vulnerability through word, painting, self-talk and, ultimately, self-acceptance. Enjoy.

Artists: Out of The Dark

My name is Joshua Allen King, and I’m an artist from Fayetteville, West Virginia. Some may even describe me as a professional self-saboteur. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that so soon considering first impressions are so important, but I’m trying this new thing called vulnerability. Today I have a 30×40” blank canvas staring back at me. The blank canvas is the most overwhelming but exciting experience for an artists. This painting will be of a mysterious lady that’s wearing a grandiose red robe in the foreground. The background will be soft blue mountains blurred by fog, the morning sun burning orange, and a castle. She’s put the work into her kingdom and she’s praying for a new day where things get better.

I’m thinking of entering the painting in a local gallery exhibition that’s coming up soon. I have to submit my work within the next week to see if it’ll be approved. The theme is “folk magic”. The town is having something I believe to be called a “wizard weekend” during the exhibition. I never knew about this before, but I think that this is an annual event. It’s sad I didn’t know about this before because wizards, witches, and magic have been things that’s fascinated me since I was a small child.

Ahh— an opportunity to do something other than bathe in my own misery? The negative thoughts are coming and they’re unfortunately frequent up in this brain of mine. OF COURSE I can’t do this, so many things could go wrong. So many things have already went wrong. The villain that lives in my mind states the following:

“I’m not sure if people will understand the painting and how it fits the theme. What if people talk bad about it because it’s the odd one out.”

“I was supposed to start on this painting last week, but a cold front came in and busted the pipes in my house so I had to deal with that. It seems like the universe is trying to stop me, and if the universe is out to get me…I really should give up.”

“My medium is oil paint which takes a while to dry. What if it’s not dry in time? Will it smear in transport?”

“I don’t have have the means at the time to frame this large of a painting. Who wants to buy a large painting that they have to frame themselves? Will it look weird hanging beside other art that is framed?”

“I wish I was more original. What’s the point of doing anything when it’s all been done before?”

This voice is the enemy to creatives. It freezes us in a state of stagnation and misery. It seems like there’s no solution when our brains work this way, but lately I’ve been experimenting with myself Frankenstein style. I think the experiment is working because so far, I’m living life more than I have in a long time. Every time I have one of those awful thoughts, I challenge it. This usually results in said thoughts trying to justify themselves as truths, but I’ll keep taming them. I’d like to respond to those negative thoughts I wrote above with a more positive mindset, hopefully inspiring someone else reading to maybe write their negative thoughts down and challenge them as well.

Before—“I’m not sure if people will understand the painting and how it fits the theme. What if people talk bad about it because it’s the odd one out.”…WRONG! Instead— “Even if it didn’t fit the theme at all, at least I’d be brave enough to make something that I enjoy. There must be at least one person who will see how it fits, and that’s enough for me.”

Before—“I was supposed to start on this painting last week, but a cold front came in and busted the pipes in my house so I had to deal with that. It seems like the universe is trying to stop me, and if the universe is out to get me…I really should give up.”…WRONG! Instead… “I made it through a hard time last week. I fixed my broken pipes and I’m still working on my painting. This shows resilience as a person. Yes I’m short on time, but this is a challenge that could help me be able to work faster in later situations where things may also not go as planned. The universe works by chance more than I realize and doesn’t revolve around my own downfall. Things will not always be this hard.”

Before—“My medium is oil paint which takes a while to dry. What if it’s not dry in time? Will it smear in transport?”…WRONG! Instead… “I have a quick drying medium which makes my oil paint dry faster. I’m thankful that I have this. Sure, my black paint takes a lot time to dry even with the drying medium, but I’ll just have to be extra careful. Even if the whole painting would be wet by the time I’m supposed to bring it into the gallery, at least I created something that I can display or use later when it’s dry. I’d still be proud that I created something.”

Before— “I don’t have the means at the time to frame this large of a painting. Who wants to buy a large painting that they have to frame themselves? Will it look weird hanging beside other art that is framed?”…WRONG! Instead… “I may not personally see the value in having to buy a frame for a painting I bought, but someone else might think differently. Maybe they’ll like that they can choose their own frame. Someone else could dislike like the idea of having to choose their own frame, but they still want the painting because they love it that much. Maybe someone could even like the look of it without a frame.”

Before—“I wish I was more original. What’s the point of doing anything when it’s all been done before?”…WRONG! Instead… “Originality as a fear is constricting to the creative flow and overrated. Believe it or not, our world and ideas are limited. With those limitations, everything still has originality to it due to the complexity of humans. That’s amazing. What’s most important is that the work is done and impacts people.”

We all have hard days, hard months, and hard years due to things we can’t control. We all have negative thoughts, and we are powerful and capable of having control over them. Those thoughts are echoes from the past. They come from all the negative experiences that we’ve had, and we’re watering those negative experiences like a flower. As the negativity grows, our souls start to die. These bad thoughts come from places like that one time you tripped in front of a crowd, when a peer made nasty comments about your skin, when someone you admire told you to give up, or from the time a family member passed away.

Eventually, there’s so many of those sad thoughts that you forgot where they came from in the first place and you claim them as your own. We label ourselves as negative people, like it’s something that’s solid and can’t be changed. Whether we want to believe it or not, we eventually project those negative ideas onto others as well and can cause them a lot of pain. Others then label us as negative. If we are calling ourselves negative and others start to say it as well, we take that as a confirmation of our identity. This is the cycle of sadness, and it’s detrimental to creative minds.

Now is what matters. We can have power over those negative voices if we start paying attention to them. You would think that ignoring them would silence them, but it turns out that only gives it permission to become louder and more dizzying. Negativity thrives on familiarity and comfort. It’s time for artists of the world to make a change. Create fearlessly. Start a Renaissance. Get out of the dark.

Note: this post includes affiliate links for paid promotional products.

Instead of my usual wines of the season post, I wanted to share my new favorite wine retailer (and one of my current favorite selections from them)— Big Hammer Wines!

What’s more, you can use my code MIRANDAMARTIN at checkout for $15 OFF your order! So, what should you order? Here’s what I recommend—

My favorite Big Hammer Wine selection

My favorite selection by far is the DeFaveri Brut Prosecco— it’s luscious, bubbly, and cost-efficient without sacrificing on quality, which is everything I look for in a fine sparkling wine.

Plus, the packaging and the bottle itself is gorgeous, which makes it a great looking, refined gift for a friend or family member at a dinner party, housewarming, and beyond.

I highly recommend trying this Prosecco when you’re ready to feel a little luxurious (even if you’re just sipping in the bathtub at home!), and shopping the wide variety of other wines available at Big Hammer.

Cheers!

Xoxo, MM.

Recently, Andrew and I have been reveling in our weekend staycations in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Like a smaller Vegas, AC NJ is full of hidden gems where you can dance, drink, dine, swim (any time of year!) and play table games all evening long— and that’s even in the winter, without even stepping foot on the beach.

So, clueless when it comes to what to do (and how to actually have fun) in Atlantic City? Here’s what Andrew and I have been getting into recently in AC—

Stay: Harrah’s Resort

Initially attracted to the fact that we could bring Silver along with us at this pet-friendly resort, Andrew and I stayed at Harrah’s for the first time in November 2022 and likely wouldn’t stay anywhere else in AC from here on out. Though it’s not right on the boardwalk, Harrah’s is the type of resort you never need to leave— from the indoor pool that’s in a beautiful terrarium, to the great bars, steakhouses, coffee shops and other activities, Harrah’s is a cost-efficient resort where you get what you pay for, and then some.

I recommend eating at one of the two steakhouses while you’re there, and also paying the Pool at Harrah’s and the elevated Spa a special visit if you have the time. They’re both lovely, newly updated facilities and you won’t regret it!

Dine: Nobu

If you do want to venture out closer to the Boardwalk area for a meal, you truly cannot beat Nobu at Caesar’s. Yes, the Nobu— the one known from Malibu to Vegas and beyond, this elevated Japanese-cuisine staple is now in Atlantic City (and it’s worth every penny). Treat yourself to the Wagyu steak, a sake flight, and some of the most delicious hand rolls you’ve ever had, and you’ll walk away with a full belly and a happy palate, to be sure.

Play: Caesar’s Palace

After your dinner at Nobu, I recommend staying for a while at Caesar’s Palace to play some of the best and most exciting table games in the town. Spanish 21 minimums starting at $15 allow you to play for quite a while, and the dealers are some of the most fun, energetic and conversational I’ve met (even better than the ones I’ve met at Luxor and Hard Rock in Vegas).

Drink and dance: Gypsy Bar, The Pool After Dark

If you’re ready to head back to Harrah’s, it’s worth heading back to the pool after dark— as in, the pool at Harrah’s turns into a nightclub aptly named “The Pool After Dark” on weekends after hours, and it’s lit. From giant DJ booths and private cabanas to bottle service in the 82 degree year-round pool area, The Pool After Dark is a truly unique club experience that makes it feel like summer all year round.

If you’re looking for a more traditional dance bar vibe, I’d also recommend Gypsy Bar at Borgata. Live music happens every weekend evening, and Thursdays and Sundays are $8 house margarita nights at the bar, which adds an extra cost-saving element.

Atlantic City is just a stone’s throw away from Philadelphia and NYC, and is a city full of hidden gems that can elevate tour experience from a good to a great one.

Xoxo, MM.

When it comes to the shape wear game, I’ve been reluctant to try Kim Kardashian’s SKIMS brand. With the classic shape wear choices like Spanx still on the market, and new competitors like Lizzo’s Yitty brand also entering the chat, I didn’t know where to begin when it came to clothing that would hug my curves and lift my breasts, all while keeping me comfortable (and not making me feel like I’m, well, suffocating).

Enter Christmas Day and a lovely gift from my mom— a fuchsia pink bodysuit from Kim K’s SKIMS line. I was excited to try it, as I’d been interested but, as I said before, a bit skeptical— and wow, wow, wow.

Now, I haven’t tried Yitty yet (but I plan to!) and I’ve only worn a handful of Spanx products, but so far this SKIMS bodysuit is rocking my world. Let me explain—

How Kim K’s SKIMS brand bodysuit hugs every curve, without feeling restrictive

At first touch, the SKIMS bodysuits feel soft— sort of the like “butter” legging material sold by brands like LulaRoe or LuLu Lemon, which give them a silky and soft, almost barely-there lightweight feel on the body. What’s more, the fabric really allows the vibrancy of the color to shine through, and is extremely durable + can withstand some stretch.

That said, the color really allows this bodysuit to shine and be worn both while lounging at home or styled-up when you’re out and about, giving it a particular versatility I’ve really been enjoying so far. Plus, the comfortable nature of the material makes this bodysuit the perfect choice for a long day, as it doesn’t become uncomfortable or “stiff”, even after hours of wear.

Additionally, this bodysuit (though listed as being one of the “lower support” models of Kim K’s shape wear) hugs every curve and lifts the bust with ease, once again without feeling tight or stuffy. My body feels sculpted and supported all day long while I wear it, making my bust look supported and smooth (with no bra required, as the supportive nature of the garment holds everything in place as it should).

Whether you’re working, working out, running errands out and about, or just lounging around the house in a post-Christmas haze, this SKIMS bodysuit is well worth the money (coming in around $60), and seems as if it’ll last a long time (making it all the more worth the investment). I’ll definitely be ordering more SKIMS products in the future, as well as trying out some other shape wear brands to help support my natural shape.

What have you been wearing lately? What gifts did you receive for Christmas or Hanukkah this holiday season? Let’s discuss,

Xoxo, MM.

Britney Spears once said, “I’m Mrs. ‘She’s too big— now she’s too thin,”— and that was a more apt observation than most of us realized at the time.

My entire adolescent experience was spent worrying to no end what people thought about me; I eventually gave it up one day, because I had the (obvious, but hard to see at times) revelation that no matter what any of us do, we’ll never please everyone— so why are we still trying?

This post serves your reminder to love yourself, no matter where you are in your journey, and embrace radical self love and healing as we enter the new year. Let’s discuss—

The social media toxic trap

For one, let’s be clear— social media has obviously increased our obsession with ourselves and with others (what they’re doing, wearing, what they look like, and so on), and the levels of comparison between ourselves and others is at an all-time high thanks to social media’s primary focus: pictures of our highlights, our “best and brightest” moments, which may or may not actually reflect our real lives.

Basically, it boils down to something really simple— social media isn’t real life. Don’t make assumptions about people based on their posts, good or bad. Talk to them; have real, human conversations; and know we’re all human and all doing our best, and that we aren’t in competition with one another (despite what social media might make you think.)

Let ‘em talk

Humans are social creatures. This can be a good thing; it aids us in cultivating community and caring for one another when we need it most. However, it also means humans can be gossipy creatures, often talking about people for the sake of, well, entertainment purposes— and that’s not always a good thing.

As Britney Spears said, people are always going to talk about one another. If you’re doing your best (which is all you can do) and working on yourself, then who cares what other people think? People will talk about you, about others, about each other no matter what or how you’re doing— so why waste a mere moment giving a damn what they say? Some people just like to hear the sound of their own voice; but that doesn’t mean they’re right, or that their opinion holds any weight in terms of your true worth.

TL;DR? Build your own self-worth based on your personal goals and ideals. “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind.”

Practice radical self love, today and always

Most importantly— practice radical self love, today and always. If you’re trying your best and working toward your goals (hell, even if you just survived the day), that’s all that matters. You’re doing amazing, sweetie, and all humans (no matter what stage of our journey we’re in, or what season) deserve love— and you can start by giving yourself the radical self love you truly deserve.

Happy end-of-year to all; and just know I’ll be celebrating radical self love now and all throughout the New Year (and you should, too!)

Xoxo, MM.

This is a guest post by writer Celeste Lilac. Enjoy!

“If you’ve been on a spiritual journey then you should be familiar with the term inner child. For those that aren’t familiar, it’s your child self operating in an adult body. When we experience trauma at young ages part of us stays mindset until we make the decision to do radical inner child healing.

Healing your inner child takes a lot of self awareness and patience. Even with that therapy may be needed or some sort of outside perspective. You have to learn how to talk to your younger self as a parent that you needed during that time. It’s not an easy process. When you’re gaining that awareness of yourself and your triggers it’s clearer to see how it manifests in others. Because you’ve been there yourself. You’ll even see it in those older than you. Parents, grandparents, role models, so on and so fourth. No one will probably have it all figured out in this lifetime. But, we can help each other out within reason.

I had trouble with feeling safe with others. So when I felt threatened I would do one of two things; hold on tighter or leave before they had the chance to. While I’m thankful for the ones that understood I realized how irresponsible I could be with other’s feelings. Not just their feelings, but their trust as well. It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t be a safe place for them because I wasn’t that for myself. Another thing I’ve seen, not only in myself but around most childhood wounds, is the sense of entitlement. Like, I’ve been through all of this, so I’m allowed to act this way. Or, I’ve been through all of this, I would like attention from it. Then that gives the mindset of putting ourselves first and not thinking of the impact it has on others. Even in intimate relationships we don’t know what others themselves could be carrying from years prior. Instead of running, having important conversations are important to move forward. Sure, it’s a lot more tempting to just run off into the abyss and never to return. But that doesn’t help build or sustain a healthy relationship.

It’s important to let people process things their own way and on their own time. Love is suppose to be freeing, not white knuckled. Speaking from personal experience. I grew up in a household where we didn’t express our emotions. Just bottled them up until one of us exploded. Now I’m trying to learn my emotions and how to express them the ‘right’ way so that it’s understandable to the other person. Be honest and clear to those around you about what you need. Do you need time? A break? A hug? Don’t be afraid to say it, especially if you believe that these people love you. Healing is really hard and a support team is important. And for those who have a wounded friend, have honest conversations with them. Tell them what you will and won’t tolerate. Make boundaries (if you need to) about your availability to hold space for them. We’re all human and are made to make mistakes. Nothing good really comes easy. It’s all about picking and choosing your battles.

To pull things together, if you see someone struggling with these wounds, just give them grace. There’s things going on that they don’t talk about. Observe, not absorb. This isn’t saying you have to deal with it if you do not want to. Just realize it can be a lot sometimes and conversations are needed in order to move into a better place. This doesn’t just have to be friends. It can be family, coworkers, an older lady at the grocery store, even yourself.”

By Celeste Lilac.

To state the obvious, I’m still not doing so hot. Let’s be honest. I’ve had dizzy spells, crying fits, days where I eat nothing, days where I eat everything everything, and days in between when I feel utterly indifferent to— well— almost everything.

My MIL passed away just over a month ago. It’s still so raw, so fresh. Loss is always awful, and grief is always messy, but when it’s completely unexpected it seems even worse somehow. At least to me it does. Anywho—

With all that out front and out of the way, I have to say that practicing self-care has become the number one thing on my mind as the holiday season ramps up. Usually I’d be overextending myself (and enjoying it anyways, because ‘tis the season, ya know?), indulging in sweet treats and fancy cocktails with friends, and participating in as many holly-jolly events as possible. This year, though, I’m just trying to survive— and that’s okay, too.

My body and mind have both let me know that I can’t act like everything is normal right now— and that I have to practice some serious self-care and take time to heal, which is exactly what I intend to do. And here’s how I’m taking those steps, and not feeling guilty about it, over the next few weeks:

How to practice self-care when grieving (yes, even at Christmastime)

1. Cancelling plans and saying “no” when I need to: I’m typically the queen of going out, being social, and taking up every opportunity to get up and out of the house and getting into— well, anything. This year, though, I haven’t really been feeling up to going out as much, or to being as social. It’s nothing personal— I just need some space. So, I’m giving myself some space. If some days my emotions are too big and I can’t face the world, that’s okay! I give myself permission to step back and say, “Sorry, maybe next time.” As someone who used to feel guilty or suffer from a ton of “FOMO”, this was a steep learning curve for me. However, I know those who care will understand— and those who take it personally don’t really care in the end, do they?

2. Sticking to my routine: Though it’s beyond tempting to work in my pajamas and just get by every day, I’ve found it helpful to stick to my routine as much as I’m able. I’ve kept working, I’ve kept waking up at my usual time, getting dressed, cleaning the house and doing my morning workouts. I’ve honored my need for rest while also sticking to my routine, and finding a balance that works for me has been super helpful.

3. Sharing genuine connections: I haven’t been feeling as social lately, but I’ve had a handful of very special interactions lately with my husband, some family and a few friends whether by spending some intimate, lowkey time together or even just talking on the phone when I’m not up to leaving the house. Connection and conversation has been really integral to my healing process, and it helps me socialize in a way that feels safe and calming to me right now.

No matter how you heal, you do you. You have permission to take space for yourself (even at Christmastime, yes), and you have permission to say “no” when you need to. Hang in there, and maybe I’ll re-emerge from my hibernation in the spring? Who knows. In the meantime, I’ll take all the time I need.

Xoxo, MM.

Mama’s Boy Cafe is one of the newest additions to Philadelphia’s Mayaunk neighborhood, situated right on Main Street and sharing a large, airy building with Fat Lady Brewing Company. Today, I sat down with the owner of Mama’s Boy Cafe, Yaseen Elzalabany, and he gave me the full scoop on the newest coffee shop in the ‘Yunk, and what customers can expect when they stop in for a cup of joe.

Mama’s Boy Cafe: seasonal drinks, good vibes, and beyond

As I sat down with Yaseen (over a delcious cup of Mama’s Boy coffee— a dirty chai made from his secret, homemade chai recipe), he and I discussed the following:

Q: First, I have to ask about the name. Why “Mama’s Boy”?

A: My parents have always been in the restaurant industry. We immigrated from Alexandria, Egypt, to the Lehigh Valley when I was young, and my parents have a restaurant out there called “Mo’s Eatery,” named after my dad, Mohamed. So, as a mama’s boy, I wanted this one to be named in honor of my mom— so Mama’s Boy it is!

Q: I love that! So family is an important part of this for you?

A: For sure. Many of the speciality drinks are named after my family— my mom, my dad, my little brother, and my best friend, the artist Botanical Funk.

Q: Botanical Funk— did they do the logo for Mama’s Boy, too?

A: Yep, and a lot of the art prints in and around the cafe. I just love the look of it, and he’s been one of my best friends for some time. This painting on the wall is called “Paper Chaser”— and I love that. That it’s bright and colorful, but also makes you think. Life isn’t all about the money, of course, but it’s a reminder to work hard, and how hard I’ve worked to achieve this, too.

Q: Right— and you have poured a ton of work into this, clearly! Tell me how this all came about, opening your own coffee shop?

A: So, I’m only 22. However, why should that stop me from doing what I want in life? I work hard— I’ve worked hundred hour weeks leading up to this point, working toward my goals. One day, while bartending at Fat Lady Brewing, I was thinking about how this space used to be a coffee shop, and that it was for rent— and I just took my savings and went for it. I decided to open the coffee shop and build something for myself, and for people like me. That’s why I’m starting a scholarship, too— “The Mama’s Boy Foundation” scholarship, which will help kids from lower income areas go to college and pursue their dreams, too.

Q: That’s amazing. So a lot of this boiled down to a strong work ethic, and living your dreams. Is that what you want people to feel when they’re here for their morning cup of coffee, or their weekend coffee date?

A: For sure. I want to make people feel warm, at home, give them a positive experience and show other people out there that they can go for it and live their dreams, too. Actually, we’re starting a line of positive affirmation cups soon— so every cup of coffee you get will have a positive affirmation printed on it to start your day off on the right foot. Little things like that to build people up and be a force for positivity in their lives, and then more broadly in the community with the Foundation and so on.

Q: You’re doing a great job so far! This place is great. What’s in the future? Any parting thoughts for readers?

A: We’re focused on staying here for the next year and staying with building the brand— but expansion is something we definitely look forward to in the future. As for parting thoughts, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes: “Someone’s getting paid to do exactly what you wanna do, so it might as well be you.”

Mama’s Boy Cafe is open for business and located right inside Fat Lady Brewing at 4323 Main Street, Philadelphia. Check it out, and grab a homemade cup of joe as you stroll the street!

Photo: @rachaelshootsphilly